Alternity “The Lighthouse” Session Summary 55

Fifty-fifth Session – We investigate a huge ass dungeon Stoneburner ruin looking for an alien artifact to de-possess our crewmates. It turns out to be a Gygax Special, sigh.  At least we get some cool magical loot.

So we get to this ruin and start going through it – and it’s huge.  Level upon level. And what’s more – teleportation traps.  Yes, you heard it here first.  There appears to be some trick to going through these portals but we mainly come out in random locations.  It’s a little obnoxious, but there have been some up-sides, like the floating snack bowls and everfull Guinness mug I found.  It’s just like Tomb of Horrors, except more obviously built by stoners. I call it “Tomb of Stoners.”

No, really, the aliens (they were some kind of crab/mollusk thing) grow some kind of herb, and harvest it, and dry it, and mix it, and smoke it, and lounge around to see alternate dimensions through heightened consciousness. The entire place is like a big drug den. The mollusk aliens had Snuggies for God’s sake. And magical drug-smoking pipes. And this was all written after Gygax’s big coke snorting phase!

Markus had some good times. He found some cattle prod thing that really makes the dimensional horrors run off. They were some kind of Stoneburner pet and it’s the equivalent of a squirt bottle. And then at the end, we were getting kind of punchy, and I had found some scepter thing and we went into the nautilus king throne room and I was all like “WORSHIP ME” and I’ll be damned if the other party members didn’t worship me (those that failed WIL checks that is). We had to fight an invisible robot tiger thing but every time some party member started to give me lip I would just boom “WORSHIP ME” and they’d fling themselves on their faces. I about peed myself laughing.

It’s clear we have at least one more full session of old school dungeon antics ahead of us. That is a little unfortunate but as long as the pseudomagical gizmos keep flowing, we can entertain ourselves at least!

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