Tag Archives: enter the dagon

Fortieth Session – Ned finally fights in the Wizard Kumite! But that’s not the height of drama this session because it turns out Soylent Green is people!!! And the island we’re on sinks.

Since we are in a crazy wizard deathmatch tournament, some of the other wizards are understandably reluctant to open their AirBnB tower doors and speak with us. Which is probably wise as we do contemplate home invasions when it suits us.

However, the one that will talk to us turns out to not really be a mage but a hot thief in disguise. Her costume of an old, white-bearded wizard drives Gallfred mad with desire. Hemp rolls 1d20 (1-10: cockblock; 11-20: wingman) and decides to assist this doomed romance.

Illika the Fey gets a bye on her first round since Urzeth turned up dead of a severe dagger allergy. Our own Ned gets tapped for the next fight with Alred the Harbinger of Fate, who is just a toad-looking guy. I immediately start making Wastri the Hopping Prophet references even though no one else gets them. “You know? The Greyhawk quasi-deity of amphibians and racism? Like a 1980s Pepe the Frog!” They just stare at me until we return to play.

Alred’s froggy familiar tries to gas us on the street. Well, I say tries, but it did, and it was a pretty bad poison, but we survive. In an attempt to prove that the Secret Masters running this wizard tournament are up to no good, we decide to go break in to the crematorium they cart the dead wizards off to, and, spoiler alert, they are using them to make tasty treats, including the tasty treats in our tournament gift basket that we’ve been snacking on.

Now we have proof! And tasty cannibal treats, as solidly half the party is Chaotic and down with it since they give nice buffs. In fact, my character Hemp really appreciates this as Aphiel his god always wants him to commit cannibalism but he considers that pretty gross and declasse.

Then it’s time for Ned’s fight! It’s pretty anticlimactic because he goes first and blasts Alred with the biggest magic missile ever conjured, one-shotting him.

But that’s for the best because we decide it’s time to ambush us some Secret Masters as they wine and dine Ned for being the winner. Read on for the climax and watery denoument!

Thirty-Ninth Session – MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! We go with Ned to an occult island where wizards gather to fight it out one-on-one tournament style.

Ned blows a magic horn and some robots sail us out to the recently risen island-town of Dagon, inhabited largely by giant bug people. There are six other wizards with their retinues in attendance. There’s a lot of rules like “non-wizards can get killed by wizards with impunity” and “the bugs will obey wizards but probably eat you.”

We get to meet an impressive array of freakydeak wizards and their minions. We try to make some allies, as we all immediately suspect the prize for winning this tournament is “being eaten by bug-men.”

We bet on some of the wizard battles and then realize “You know… I bet whoever loses a fight has a bunch of good shit back in their guest tower, as magic items aren’t allowed in the fights.” We skedaddle to the tower of the recently deceased Renox the White Magister and loot it; we have to fight a demon summoned by a demonic sigil but get a spellbook and some sick goodies.

Next day, we discover that Illka the Fey got poisoned by Urzeth the Living Flame Guy’s folks and his minions want to “go get ’em!” We offer to escort them to Urzeth’s so the bug-men don’t eat them, with every intention of siccing the two groups on each other and mopping up the victor. And the plan goes well, though we are horrified by the effectiveness of bug-men in combat (4 attacks, wtf!?!)

We whack Urzeth and his sexy lizard lamia chick Amathies joins us rather than die. And we loot his tower, too! So many spellbooks…