Tag Archives: RPG

Dungeon Crawl Classics – Twenty-seventh Session

Twenty-seventh Session – Into Mount Tyche where weird stuff continues to happen and we end up fighting a bunch of time-shifted wizards!

Hemp is on a quest to get closer to his new deity Aphiel – he has an artifact, the blazefire bow, but it doesn’t, you know, blaze into fire. There is a temple to Aphiel up on that mountain, but apparently someone’s taken it over and shooed out the priests.

We fight our way there, and the most dreaded of encounters happens – the “monsters that steal your magic items” attack!!! They grab up Gallfred’s sword shadeslayer and Podrick’s magic bow and beat wings. Luckily, missile attacks down them and we recover our goodies.

But then we start to encounter an unfortunate number of wizards, who seem to be all the same wizard and disappear before we can kill them. Then we fight some “Komodo dragon men,” which is a lot more intimidating (and infection-causing) than “lizard men,” we all approved. Hemp has a magic helmet that helps him in this, but once he rolles a “7” on a die it cracks and falls off, alas.

The numerology continues with number puzzles! We have to go up numbered stairs but they’re also too large to comfortably go to the ones we need; an enlarge spell from Ned and thinking from everyone overcomes the puzzle.

The nomal dungeoneering is disrupted by a bunch of weirdos from other dimensions suddenly teleporting in from modern day, the 1970s, science fiction… From our recent one-shot! It’s a lot to deal with and since they are zero/first level they are probably just going to get murdered so we settle them in on the lovely temple grounds and go fight a whole batch of the same wizard and have some fun time loop stuff. And then we’re done and I am fully on board the Aphiel train, and hit fourth level to boot.

We all make Triumph’s Dawn resolutions for the new year! Two of them are “overthrow the wizard king”…

Dungeon Crawl Classics – Not In Kansas Anymore

Not In Kansas Anymore – Paul runs a weird one-shot funnel where we each generate characters from a different time!

Paul directs us to go make characters from “anything” in the Purple Sorcerer 0-level party generator! I choose “Trailer Park Shark Attack” and others pick options like “Space Dungeon”, “Dying Earth”, “1920s Earth”, and “Modern Earth.” We get a lovely list of 0-levels, some of the most notable are Stacey Thompson the Professional Screamer, Maynard the Meth Manufacturer, and Shad the Trailer Park Santa. Full list in the summary.

With my four, I was inspired by having recently read Carl Hiassen’s novel Strip Tease, so I modeled my four characters after the four primary movers from the book – A middle-school student (Erin), a guy with a chainsaw (Darryl), a guy who looks like Ving Rhames in a Santa suit (Shad), and a Florida man (Dilbeck).

Anyway, with no other preamble all our various characters suddenly appear and are beset by a handless wizard and some lizard men. (Seems like this could have been a King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard reference in another world… Someone needed to workshop an adventure more!)

Turns out this is “Not In Kansas Anymore”, written for 1970s characters and in the “Gen Con 2016 Program Guide.” Did you know those were actual content products? I didn’t!

Tim gets the award for quickest death – “Three Coins” the majordomo is murdered in the first round. The fight against the lizard men is quick and violent; some PCs die; more die as we flee the rising lava. Meth begins to factor in heavily to the party’s tactics.

Wackiness ensues – a sample:

There is a motionless humanoid shrouded in shadows at the top of the stairs. Shad staggers up, yelling “Ho, ho, ho!” He finds that the stairway is trapped: a pressure plate causes spears to shoot out from the walls. Fortunately, Shad has the luck of the drunk and survives without a scratch. He finds that the “standing” person is someone already impaled and held upright by a spear.

Shad shakes the body, shouting “You’ve been naughty this year!” He takes a swig from his bottle of Ol’ Grandad.

We are then told by a prisoner “you must stop Glipkerio from freeing the ancient dragon Slagothorp.” That sounds like made up nonsense to us but we don’t have anything else to do. We find a dead dragon, which we think is good news, but it turns out there’s a young dragon too, which is bad news. Everyone decides to use the bullets they’ve been hoarding for their boomsticks to little effect. But then Batreau, an AirBnB owner back in the real world, has been exhibiting strange Scanners-like brain-exploding powers and he explodes the dragon’s brain. Yay?

Then it’s time to face off with the wizard and a bunch of lizard men – we get cool powers but die like flies. Erin my middle school student pretty much solos the wizard while everyone else is distracted, but finally gets murdered and the wizard disappears. Darryl manages to kill dragon with his .357 Magnum and then the eight survivors from the original group of 20 cross-time weirdos get swept up by magical birds and end up in… Our normal DCC campaign, next time!

Dungeon Crawl Classics – Twenty-sixth Session

Twenty-sixth Session – Back in Weebrook, some Wormtongue type sorcerer named Sylle Ru is now in charge. We immediately subscribe to his newsletter.

This new wizard comes to visit us in the inn with some undead goons. Half of the party is Chaotic, and most of us hate in movies where some good supporting character sasses the bad guy and gets murdered instead of humoring him until they’re out of 9mm range, so we have a nice chat about his economic revitalization program.

The Duke has investigated thoroughly, there is nothing to fear from these supposed undead armies. In truth, the King is just sending us reinforcements to make our towns more secure. And then we can bring in those wretched villages and hamlets that have not been brought into our protection. And with that protection comes prosperity! There are so many nameless villages and communities of subhumans around.”

Podrick responds, “You’re right! I have been patrolling the area, and the subhumans are crying out for protection and discipline!”

Hemp is also on board, “Absolutely, there’s nothing more important than the economy. And how can you have so little pride in your community as to not even name it.”

Sylle Ru Is pleased that Podrick and Hemp are so enthusiastic.

But this doesn’t last long as Old Man Fish decides to assassinate the wizard. All hell breaks loose but we are nothing if not practical, as soon as the plan switches to “murder” we mob the guy.

And the Duke is freed! Apparently it “wasn’t his fault” he was sacrificing townspeople to placate the Black Dog but this guy’s. He says he’ll totally go back up Fythorp from the undead army that’s coming. His general pussiness and the ineffectiveness and numbers of his thanes make us dubious.

The rest of the time in town can be summed up loosely by Hemp as:

Hemp goes and tells the bartender that Gallfred drank a potion, encountered a demonic accountant who called him a “bummer”, and then he spent the rest of the night having sex with mutated horses.

No sooner do we leave than giant slugs attack. And a mutated cat monster. And a next quest, to go jack up some wizard named Glipkerio who’s messing with time. We like time! It’s… when I keep my stuff!

Dungeon Crawl Classics – Twenty-fifth Session

Twenty-fifth Session – Ogre drug dealers enliven the journey back to Fythorp, where baths and treasure sales are the order of the day.

This session is mostly roleplay in town, which is fun. I get there late and spend a solid hour on inventory and selloff, as we have a bunch of stuff and seldom are in anyplace with more than two rubles to rub together.

Oh, and now we’re rich enough to get horses, so we spend quite some time naming them.

Hemp commissions a tiny suit of armor for Zipzap. Hemp names his horse Wildfire.
Podrick refuses to name his horse, in to improve his chances of crossing a desert.
Old Man Fish’s horse’s name is Matilda.
Ned Wimbley names his horse You Bastard.
Mordecai names his horse (tbd).

Then we try to convince people there’s an undead army coming for them. It goes modestly. But in the end, they hand some noncombatants and the mayor’s daughter and her girlfriend off to us and we escort them to our home town of Weebrook.

It’s a little weird to be selling treasure and partying it up in a place that we’re pretty sure a skeleton army is going to wipe off the map – we don’t have any immediate way to stop it, either, except a long term plan to get Podrick’s helm un-cursed. We’ll figure something out, I hope!

Dungeon Crawl Classics – Twenty-fourth Session

Twenty-fourth Session – We extract from the Temple of the Carnifex right through a giant Ewok tree village full of goblins!

Well, Gallfred Weasel finally gets his wish of unlimited goblins to kill with Shadeslayer. He still spends a lot of the time hiding. And unconscious. With no Mordecai either it’s just Hemp, Old Man Fish, Ned, and Podrick against a whole raft of goblins and giant bats and goblin moonshine and bat swarms. And a goblin vampire.

Luckily we’re on a hot streak – in combat, and also my one-liners flow fast and furious!

Hemp picks up a skewered, roasted bat and nibbles on it. He tells the others, “The children of the night… What tasty snacks they make.” Ned watches Hemp carefully for signs of hydrophobia.
[…]
The throne is carved from the back wall of the cave, so (sadly) not portable in any way. Hemp tries sitting on it. He finds that it is made for a goblin, so not particularly comfortable. In spite of that, he insists, “I never tire of sitting on dead men’s thrones.”

Then it’s all over but the looting!

Dungeon Crawl Classics – A Year In

The last session marks a solid year of our gaming group playing in Paul’s DCC campaign. (He runs every other week while I run my Reavers Pathfinder campaign in alternate.) I thought it’d be a good time to do a retrospective on how we’re finding the game.

It’s going well! The zero-level funnel was fun and we’re all about third level now so not quite as squishy.

Dungeon Crawl Classics is – hard. Deliberately, that’s its deal. It’s easy to die.

Magic and healing come at a very sharp cost. At the low end it’s ability damage and at the high end it’s mutation and such. It’s very random, too, most of the rulebook is lengthy random tables for every spell. Powerful magic items get you the wrath of the gods and thus penalties. We have more hit points now but there’s plenty of ways to take lots of damage, ability damage, or straight up save or dies where your hit points aren’t a major impediment. Attack economy is an overwhelming factor – even at this level “six skeleton archers” are a holy-shit moment.

Wilderness travel threatens to kill us not just with random encounters but with fishing accidents and dysentery. Being outside a city is terrifying. (And most of the “cities” are just 20-ish primitive screwhead mud farmers; nowhere we’ve been has things like “shops”.)

And the flavor is gritty. Adventures are about wading through mud, and blood, and rat pus, and rotting flesh that sometimes wants to have sex with you. NPCs are all feckless, whether Lawful or Chaotic. Even our fellow party members – we’re friends, but we sometimes are working at cross-purposes especially when our various supernatural masters are involved. And there’s a price or downside for nearly everything.

And we like it!

I got a comment on a previous session summary saying “it doesn’t seem like you are having fun from reading the summaries!” Well, we are, but our characters aren’t, I’d say… Except for the rare occassion they manage to get a good meal and a bath the world pretty much sucks to live in. But we’re all old school gamers who played original D&D (and many other games) since the ’80’s and it’s a nice change of pace from the anime-superheroes power fantasy mode of modern gaming.

Now, the system is different in a good way from AD&D 0e/1e. Fighters have mighty deeds of arms, starting spellcasters can cast more than one spell a day (with risk), Luck gives everyone a chance to improve stuff a little. Early D&D, you had 2 hp, 1 spell to case, and otherwise were shit out of luck. So the system’s a little more textured and forgiving.

But they definitely have an adventure style (most of the ones we have played are written by DCC mega-author Harley Stroh) based on the grittiest of the 1e strain of modules.

But as we are grown ass men, the challenge is part of the point. It also rewards being smart; it is combat as war, not combat as sport. While being stupid can lead to death from trivial causes, very dangerous encounters can be made way easier with careful planning, positioning, and scheming. Traps and dungeoneering are less about rolls and more about reasoning. That’s the most engaging part of the game for me (well, and the roleplay, but in the game part) – being clever enough to reduce the risk of what’s going on. Within the limits of most of us being weird Chaotic freaks, we’re not like a SWAT team or anything. And magic is very unreliable, so it’s hard to count on in a plan.

Having six PCs definitely helps (though not much healing), and Paul knows how hard DCC is so usually runs underleveled adventures for us. And we’ve gamed together for a while, so we know how we tend to think and act in combat.

Also, the cool thing about this is that you get additional powers not just from “leveling”, but from weird artifacts and Gygaxian pools and doodads and boons and stuff, so we are able to flex our characters in desired ways without having “a feat for that”.

The characters are shaping up well, I think, for being randomly generated!

  • Podrick (Patrick) is our Lawful knight-wannabe, so is our impetus to do “good things” plot wise, and is a very effective tank and has a good magic spear.
  • Gallfred Weasel (Bruce) with his Cloak of Cheret the Lost is so stealthy that we forget about him (and in extremis, he even forgets about himself).
  • Mordecai (Matt) has become a very powerful and very Chaotic gish (wizard but with armor and sword) and is enjoying necromancy and becoming ghoulish. The necromancy rules make it a little tough to get actual zombies which frustrates him. “You get an undead… upper torso!”
  • Old Man Fish (Chris) has struggled a little game rule-wise; as a ranger he has an animal companion but it’s his horse and doesn’t come in dungeons; he is an archer but has low damage. Personally he’s always a solid part of the group though, is often my fellow “plan guy” and has been helpful in the wilds (though some of those rolls require stats he is low in). Later on he gets healing and rage and stuff to fill it in.
  • Ned (Tim) is definitely a fan of the weirdo mutation part of being a wizard, it’s actually hard to keep up with his bug infestation and tentacles and dirt fetish. Man he can magic missile the shit out of things if he rolls well!
  • Hemp the Weaver (me) has tripled down on archery which works out well; force projection is important in a combat-as-war game. He has a side gig in being the party tailor which is fun.

Everyone’s got a good personality and a good schtick. And an overall plot is emerging – it was just random stuff but now it’s gelling around an evil monster king sending bullshit our way, so fighting against that is unifying. Lawful and Chaotic folks alike love to kill evil kings!

Bruce (who is our usual session summary scribe) adds his thoughts:

The game system does a nice job of giving each of the classes a trick that makes them useful in a (relatively) unique way during gameplay – the traditional OSR issue of fighter-types gradually becoming first just a huge well of (defensive) hit points, and then becoming entirely optional appurtenances of the heavy-artillery wizards is something the rules deal with nicely. I’ve personally really appreciated the easy regenerability of Thief LUCK – balanced by the fact that to effectively use Thief skills I end up with a character that cannot stand even close to the front lines.

As regarding the campaign, the ongoing sequence of character quests gives the players a good ability to guide the world. I’ve very much appreciated that. Paul has done a good job of mitigating the “only one shall survive!” nature of the mostly convention-oriented adventures. Adventures built with the idea of integrating more into an ongoing campaign would be useful, but perhaps not something that is as worthwhile to publish. The idea that characters can undergo remarkable transformations of nature that are overall a benefit (with some drawbacks), and that this is more common than outright curse effects that are nothing but bad, promotes more character experimentation, which is ultimately better for gameplay.

Dungeon Crawl Classics – Twenty-third Session

Twenty-third Session – Deeper into the Temple of the Carnifex we go, fighting through an ancient cult in order to… Well, we figure that out as we go.

We fight a bunch of dudes in here and largely have no idea why we’re doing it. “Are we ze baddies?” we are forced to ask. Mordecai finally shares some of what’s going on:

There is a brief discussion where Mordecai reveals the purpose of the quest: he found out from Lady Skeam that the king is sending an army of undead to march on Fythorp, and he can stop them with the power within this crypt, by taking control of the army and sending them back on their creator. The rest of the party suddenly feel much more motivated.

Anyway, after we kill Azazel the head Pious guy the rest of his seemingly limitless goons die. Then we have a lively discussion over whether we free the evil goddess trapped in here or not. We decide not, and have a big gold Ark of the Covenant box, some mystic tome, and three big ass jewels to show for it. But getting out isn’t as easy as it sounds… We’ll cover that next time!

Dungeon Crawl Classics – Twenty-second Session

Twenty-second Session – The party braves Bat Country to go to the Goblin Spires which turn out to be the entry point to the Temple of the Carnifex.

We find a nice little monastery (with carved trees like Aladzha Monastery, you should go visit it if you’re in eastern Bulgaria!) that distracts us with tales of a nearby goblin tribe living in a stone spire.

Unseen by all, a shadowy presence at the end of the table takes sudden, bloodthirsty interest. Gallfred Weasel is always eager to slaughter the goblin races.

So we go there; we thought it was a distraction from our search for the Temple of Carnifex but it turned out to be the antechamber to the place, and suddenly we are in DCC Jewels of the Carnifex.

My favorite part was Hemp finding a starving shocker lizard that he adopts to nurse back to health. I name it “Zipzap.” Once that’s done (after we leave the dungeon, not this session):

Zipzap the shocker lizard
Lizard, shocker: Init +2; Atk bite +1 melee (1d4); AC 14; HD 2d8; hp 4; MV 40’ or climb 20’; Act 1d20; SA electrical shock 1d8, Ref save DC 12 for half; SV Fort +2, Ref +3, Will -2; AL N.

Rest of the session’s pretty self explanatory dungeoneering, read all about it in the summary!

Dungeon Crawl Classics – Twenty-first Session

Twenty-first Session – We brave both Law and oxen as well as ourselves to go get the fabled Helm of Chistu for Podrick!

After the Celebration of Temptation’s Embrace we have brunch and decide on next steps. One of the great things about DCC is we all have quests we want to go on to get specific superpowers. But it does founder a little upon the shores of irregular attendance. Mordecai wanted to go to the Temple of the Carnifex, but he’s not here, so we instead head for the Rusting Hills where the (tainted) Helm of Chistu is.

The Helm is a big deal, we’ve heard rumors about it from like the second or third session of the game, getting it, untainting it, and using it is one of the core plot arcs of the whole campaign. Spoiler alert.

So we end up going to a super duper Lawful dungeon, which no one but Podrick is really comfortable with. We meet a giant like Babe the Blue Ox-style ox named “Taurziel, First Born of Oxen, Guardian of the Cataphract, Bound to Remain” which now allows me to google for the adventure and discover that we were in DCC , Intrigue at the Court of Chaos.

The dungeon is mostly puzzles and choosing the right colors and whatnot. We mostly guess right on how to solve them, at least enough that we don’t lose major body parts. There is a “Sacrifice” area that demands we give up class abilities and stuff which was a bummer, but it turns out we get them back at the end of the adventure.

Then we have to fight mirror versions of the party. Hemp knows what’s up and shoots Mordecai (who showed up partway through the session) immediately in the head, he’s a wizard so the greatest threat and has notably low hit points.

OOC moment: We had been making “evil wizard” comments about Mordecai trying to kill all the Snuggoo cultists back in Fythorp he didn’t like and now my targeting his shadow double caused some amount of IRL interpersonal hard feelings, unfortunately. We tried to settle it out and move on.

We come away with the Helm (which being a Chaos-tainted Lawful artifact is unusable as of yet) and exit stage left!

Dungeon Crawl Classics – Twentieth Session

Twentieth Session – The long awaited festival of Temptation’s Embrace gets underway but our attempt to be helpful and enable two hot lesbians to make out runs afoul of the gods, as it sometimes does.

But first we’re called down by the mayor to investigate a bunch of murders in the cult of Snuggoo in the salt mines. We go investigate and determine that, unsurprisingly, our party member Mordecai is the culprit. We also hear about an ‘always awake wizard named Mosh Sedation’ in the caverns but decide that we should leave well enough alone so we have our full capabilities for the springtime sex festival tonight!

Everyone gears up with beaver hunting, good dinners, and the like. Hemp discovered that the priestess of Jopha (Sybbyl) and the blind daughter of the Mayor (Julia) are having a relationship and if the former can catch the latter during the Festival of Temptation’s Embrace, the latter has agreed to join the former’s temple. And make out intensely, one can only assume. This inspires Hemp to volunteer to be the Marshal for the festival, and he still has his “Sex Marshal” sash in his inventory to this day.

Aphiel holy symbol (silver, 25 gp)
Aphiel flaming wings sword token (50 gp)
sex marshal sash
a gold death’s-head ring once worn by Carnifex assassins (5 gp)

The festival proceeds, half of the PCs madly fleeing from romantic entanglements and the other half madly pursuing them.

Well, so Hemp ensures the two women cross paths during the festival but this apparently annoys the patron goddess Camue the Enchanter so a super weird adventure ensues, with Sybbl’s heart turning into a stuffed bear and quest to find chocolate and pink flowers down a Tunnel of Love.

Apparently we have wandered into the “Love in the Age of Gongfarmers” Valentine’s Day module. Well, my IRL wedding anniversary with my ex-wife is on Valentine’s Day so I know plenty about having that day ruined – we must save the lesbians!!!

Read along for the blow-by-blow, it’s pretty wacky. Having a dwarf along (Julia) that can smell precious metals helped a lot. It gets as violent as you would expect Valentine’s Day to be (hint: very). It ends up with Old Man Fish and Hemp doing a weird mix of ER-style CPR and magical bullshit to revive Sybbyl while the rest of the party fights off cherubs and a crazy chimera type creature.

But in the end, love is saved! I enjoyed this one, Hemp put in “maximum effort!”

Dungeon Crawl Classics – Nineteenth Session

Goblin Fight At Last!

Nineteenth Session – The party heads back to Fythorp to recuperate and gather questlines.

But first on the way back to town, we finally encounter some goblins. Gallfred Weasel (Bruce’s character) got a magic sword that can be thrown at goblins and we have not met a single goblin in all 18 previous sessions which drives him absolutely bananas. They are leading some enslaved pilgrims but they could be handing out toys to orphans for all it matters, their fate was sealed when they entered our zip code.

Gallfred gets a quest from poisoner monks to root through some island dungeon. Sadly our travels and later campaign events have him not turning in that quest until a calendar year later.

Also, Podrick, Old Man Fish, and Mordecai go to collect giant beavers whose musk is used in the weird midsummer “Temptation’s Embrace” festival in town. We meet a pirate shanty singer named Charmeine – who, spoiler alert, we have to kill in banshee form about a year later. Alas. I woulda tipped her more had I known.

We also discover the salt mines have a weird demon cult in them to “Snuggoo.” They mainly take drugs and sleep. Hemp and Gallfred visit to get some vision-dream-inducing lamprey milk and we decide they’re mostly harmless. Mordecai gets a giant hard on against them for no reason we can figure out. He tries to get us to kill them, he tries to sneak in to kill them himselve, he tries to get the mayor to kill them, he tries to get Lady Skeam to kill them… Everyone else is like “eh.” This leaves him pretty irritated.

The milk does let Hemp and Morgan dream – he gets a quest from Aphiel to go mess with some guy named Glipkerio and then they have hot dream sex. (Hemp and Morgan, not Hemp and Aphiel, though I’m not saying that’s not on the table).

Dungeon Crawl Classics – Eighteenth Session

Fighting Headless Women and Womenless Heads

Eighteenth Session – We investigate the Black Manse and our new personas.

There are a lot of tapestries in here, which causes Hemp to cry out “Behind the arras! A rat, a rat!” way too many times for the rest of the party members. Some contain clues as to what’s going on, some “a chick thwarted Mammon and it went as well as you’d expect” kind of thing.

We have a lively fight with three undead women whose heads fly around and try to attach themselves to party members’ spines. Like most aunties they are tougher than they look and we come out of it with some pretty good wounds to show for our trouble.

We then find a super trapped sarcophagus that clearly holds Mammon’s would-be bride, “a corpse wrapped in linen and sealed with eleven lead bands, each stamped with a separate holy symbol. The body lies upon a bed of salt.” We figure we should totally interact with it. Before you know it spectral revelers and wedding parties are in full swing in the manor.

Creepy ghosts and skeletons and supernatural shit ensues. Luckily glowering at it using our golden Leddy family masks and/or smartly messing with little occult puzzles makes it mostly nonviolent going. Hemp even gets a hand of glory out of the deal.

DCC82 Bride of the Black Manse cover

Well, finally we get to Mammon and a wedding. He doesn’t want to marry the corpse (pickier than most demons I know) so Hemp is impressed into service and is told he has to put on the wedding ring. It has all kinds of tasty powers.

Well, that’s a tempting dilemma. But Hemp the Weaver is not ready to become a devil’s booty buddy so he tricks Mammon with the classic “fake hand trick” by sticking the hand of glory out of his sleeve. When the ring goes on and he lets it drop, all hell breaks loose and we barely escape demonic bridesmaids (you know, like Kristen Wiig and Melissa McCarthy) as the whole house gets dragged to Hell.

The characters flee right ahead of the fireball, Michael Bay style.
[…]
In the background, the Black Manse collapses into a pile of foully burned ash.
Hemp slaps Gallfred on the back, “Nice place you got there!”

Actually it was “Nice place you got here, lots of space!” because I always look for any opportunity to use a quote from the Joker, and had indeed used it at least twice while we were rummaging through the place to get Gallfred’s goat.

Some research indicates this was DCC82 “Bride of the Black Manse!” (Paul never tells us, now only as I’m posting these am I Googling likely terms like “DCC Black Manse” to figure out what we played through).