These movies weren’t perfect, but if you are into their genre you may enjoy them, they are certainly… completed films! (Or TV series episodes, in one case.) Keep an eye out for the Sebastian Stan double shot!
Cloud (6/10) Is an interesting Japanese film about a guy making a living reselling on online auction sites who gets a bunch of disgruntled people in his wake that want to torture-murder him for what seems like extremely minor reasons. Very unusual escalation that seems to comment on a common societal fantasy of violence, ambivalence to new economic realities, that small sins are a downward spiral, and that you can trust no one if you are involved in even the lightest of shadiness. High realism in the action and shooting and such – not escalated in either the action or gore dimensions, very naturalistic. No close ups or quick cuts but very matter of fact filming that I felt was effective. Are all Japanese folks on the edge just looking for some excuse to go nuts? Maybe!
Teacup (6/10) – We got to see the first two episodes of an upcoming Peacock series that seems like a modern adaptation of Lovecraft’s Color out of Space. We are told it is based on the Robert McCammon novel “Stinger”, adapted by Ian McCulloch who also served as showrunner. “But without the dome. There’s two dome things already.” Good call, one “city in a dome” thing is more than enough (well, the Simpsons Movie can be the second, but now you’re cut off, horror writers). It’s a family out on a farm – veterinarian mom, cheating dad (Dr. Nick from Grey’s Anatomy), two kids, a grandma who likes to party (“weed helps her MS” but I’m pretty sure she’d party anyway). Animals start acting weird, strange folks roam the woods, and a guy in a gas mask and gun paints a line around the farm and warns them via whiteboard not to cross it. Then electronics cut out and demented shit happens. Good suspenseful horror. The season plays out over 48 hours. We are not supposed to “give out spoilers” but after 2 half hour episodes we don’t know a thing about what’s going on so… It was pretty cool, though with “NBC” level character interaction drama (like, not movie level dialogue and acting but better than CW level). The child actor playing the young son who plays a key role is good, which can make or break this kind of story. Worth watching if you have Peacock; probably not a reason to go subscribe if you don’t.
Escape from the 21st Century (6/10) is a crazy and inventive Chinese movie that is kind of Goonies meets Shaolin Soccer meets Back To The Future 2 meets… Surreal stuff. I don’t even know. Teens in a wacky fight get tossed into a quarry full of chemicals and start time traveling (like, in their personal timeline, so as themselves in their adult future) forward and backward in time when they… Sneeze? Get knocked out? Want to? The rules are unclear but future them is dystopian as heck (organ harvesting… girlfriend banging a dwarf pimp for drugs…); they try to change the past and can’t, then they fight amonsgt each other and try again? Very gonzo, wide swings from goofy to dark, but of course the power of collectivism will prevail. A little too long and too random but net positive. Not all the effects were done yet, either, so it may squeeze out another point in the final analysis.
Don’t Mess With Grandma, aka Sunset Superman (6/10), is a fun light… home invasion movie!?! It’s like if Tyler Perry did one of the Jim Varney Ernest movies but starring Michael Jai White. I’m just sad that three of the home-invader family weren’t played by Paul, Jason, and June from How Did this Get Made because those three actors seemed adjacent to them (though younger, I guess. They can play their parents in the sequel!!!). Jai White is great as the put upon son of the grandma who has to juggle her needs along with not killing any of these fool crackers who are hell bent on robbing the place. It’s all very silly and has plenty of Dio music. The violence is mostly light and humorous, with one exception that was a bit of a jarring tonal shift. This won’t be for everyone, if my setup of “Madea in Ernest Scared Stupid” doesn’t do it for you, I certainly get it.
The Apprentice (6/10) was a secret screening, and was introduced by Sebastian Stan who plays Donald Trump in this biopic about his early years up through the ’80’s. Stan did a great job, he was barely recognizable as himself at times but was a spot on Trump. It shows his rise as a real estate developer and power player, increasingly at the expense of his family, wife, and friends, and his descent into diet pills and serial adultery and spousal abuse. The set design was stunning. In the end though it’s a movie about banal evil that does not get its comeuppance, which while accurate is unsatisfying. It just ends with him getting lipo and Roy Cohn, his lawyer, mentor, and fixer, dying of AIDS. It’s good in that it’s balanced, it’s not trying to apologize for Trump or do a hack job on him, but as a result it left me a little nonplussed. “So you’ve shown us Trump is a bit of a corrupt dick. Cool story, bro. I think everyone knows that just some people like it and some people don’t.” Even biopics need a point, otherwise they’re a documentary with actors. Giving it a bonus point for Sebastian Stan.
A Different Man (6/10) has Sebastian Stan playing a man with extreme facial deformity trying to be an actor in New York. Since it’s New York he gets the occasional weird look but otherwise gets along fine. He has a crush on his playwright neighbor. And then he gets an experimental treatment that completely removes the deformity and now he’s Sebastian Stan. He makes the weird choice to assume a new name and tell everyone he’s a friend of the deformed guy who died by suicide. Things initially go well for him – real estate success! Women who want to bang Sebastian Stan! But then when he hears the playwright ex-neighbor is doing a play about “a woman and her relationship with her deformed neighbor” he starts to get obsessed and things go downhill especially when a new facially deformed guy shows up. High concept and cool, but it really starts to meander and there are four times when you think it’s the end but no, here’s another piece, adding… What? It’s also tough to get insight into the mind of our protagonist, even once the makeup is gone he’s played pretty cryptically between times he trips out. Was there really even a character arc? I’m not sure, which is weird for how much happens to the lead. It was OK but I think the script thinks it’s more clever than it is. Giving it a bonus point for Sebastian Stan.
Strange Harvest: Occult Murder in the Inland Empire (5/10) is a faux true crime documentary about a serial killer named “Mr. Shiny” in the San Bernardino area. Starts normal and then ramps up into Lovecraft style weirdness. A little slow and tips its hand into improbability well before the super weird stuff happens (I didn’t know it was a fake documentary when I sat down but the red flags piled up and it became apparent shortly in) but is a good home watch for true crime fans. And it has a post credits scene, which startled the few of us who hung back to plonk away on our phones.
Heavier Trip (5/10) is a sequel to a silly Finnish movie about the hardest of metal bands, Impaled Rektum, and their attempts at gaining metal cred and/or stardom (which are at odds, and one of the themes). Imprisoned for Nordic crimes against the public peace at the end of last movie, they are in Norwegian prison, which means escaping is easy when they find out they need to save the family reindeer slaughterhouse. Metal hijinks ensue, including hitching a ride with an established metal band whose lead singer is one Michael Brucker looking SOB and an ambivalent relationship with Japanese girl-idol metal band Babymetal. Their goal is to play at the German open air heavy metal festival Wacken to get the money, but the quest for fame intervenes. The power of friendship, of course, prevails. Something to watch if you are in a goofy mood and/or like metal.
Mr. Crocket (5/10) is a Black-helmed horror movie set in the VHS days about an evil Mr. Rogers who has died and comes back through the TV Freddy Krueger style to kill “naughty” parents and abduct kids to his hellscape. Some parents survive and want to get their kids back! Solid but doesn’t fully use a lot of its ideas effectively (like the horrific mascots, lots of great design to see very little use). Some funny bits some scary bits some just there bits. No subtlety here, just suddenly shrieking Mr. Crocket on TV screens. If Tales from the Hood had a kids-show segment, this would be it.
Terrifier 3 (5/10) – I’d never seen any of the Terrifier movies, just little clips on TikTok of the clown acting spooky. I was convinced to see it by the evil lobby clowns and crowd hype at the fest. It is basically the most gruesome murder/torture porn ever made. At the start the programmer warned “We don’t do content warnings at Fantastic Fest but if you are going to have problems with basically anything, run.” It’s supernatural in a Chucky sort of way where the rules are super unclear. They bravely tried to catch you up on the plot from Terrifier 1 and 2 with a flashback and A, B, C, and D plots, to middling effect. And then no man, woman, child, or animal is safe from getting their face torn off like an angry chimp on meth is on the loose by the clown and his… zombie girlfriend? At least two major characters get killed unceremoniously offscreen which is weird. The gore effects are the real star here; I have no idea how they so realistically show people e.g. getting full chainsawed from their genitalia on up in full screen with no cuts nothing left to the imagination. I don’t plan on going and watching more of them myself but they’re a thing.
What Happened to Dorothy Bell? (5/10) Is a found footage (though stretching credulity a bit on that point) movie about a female college student whose grandmother went off her rocker back in the day and – burned down a church? Stabbed the seven-year-old girl in the face? Then went back to work at the library and killed herself by throwing herself off a single story landing? Ok so the details don’t really check out but it’s scary and has an evil book. She has video sessions with a therapist who is a good argument for replacing mental health professionals with an AI because she had such weak basic responses. For a book oriented evil spirit it’s pretty good with the Internet too, it’s good to see demonic forces keeping their skill sets updated. Anyway, passable but barely, watch in the dark to get a couple frights.
Dead Talents Society (5/10) is a Taiwanese movie (yes, I said it; fuck you Chinese government) about ghost society where they have ghost-televised scaring contests; it owes a lot to Beetlejuice in terms of the “hapless new dead folks try to learn to be scary” plot. Funny takes on urban legend folklore and pretty typical Asian “the dead are all organized like we are in real life because we love bureaucracy from beyond the grave.” Some fun gags but way too slow and spaced out; I had trouble not snoozing and was really eager for it to be over. And I’m getting pretty sick of all the “ah genZs who can’t be bothered to do anything or care but just roll their eyes and mope around” as a theme; it’s lazy and usually not funny unless you have some new and clever take. YMMV but my patience with Asian media where all the acting is “unrealistic motivation TURNED UP TO ELEVEN” has run out. Full disclosure – many people loved this movie and it got some Fest awards so it may be for you especially if “Japanese Beetlejuice game show” sounds good to you. I’m just in a weird place with Asian movies right now.
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