Category Archives: reviews

Fantastic Fest 2025 – Day Four

Sunday at the festival starts off slow, as Friday and Satrday nights are full of fun. I considered seeing Holy Boy in the first slot, but decided on a roundup of Indian shorts billed as “Fantastic India!” instead. Really more general SE Asian. I have learned to skip the shorts programming in general after several years of it just being a “how gross can we be” competition but there have been really interesting Indian movies the last two years so I thought I’d hit Indian shorts to get a smorgasboard. The shorts were:

From Me To You
  • Demons – a guy who just wants his heroin delivery man to top him explodes in gore when he takes the drug. And maybe there’s a supernatural creature of some sort? Short and serviceable, 3/5
  • Landfills of Desire – about the Rantas, some kind of Kashmiri witch. Mainly just some chick dressed up all goth walking around slash laying in a dining table while a voiceover alternates between cartoonishly ominous warnings about the rantas interspersed with 30 days of night style vampire shrieks. Marginal even for a film class. 1/5
  • From Me To You – very high budget looking cyberpunk Vietnam where there’s also aliens now living in a underclass similar to District 9. A sex tourist gets more than he bargained for with an alien prostitute. Really outstanding visuals but also themes. Outclassed all the other shorts by a wide margin. 5/5
  • The Last Ride – Mumbai cabbie trying to raise money for his sister’s dowry has misadventures ending with giving a ride to a witch but just like in the real world witches are the good guys compared to the cops! 4/5
  • Moti – COVID fable about a family dog that turns into a boy, or at least a boys body but is still a dog mostly. Well acted and tries to take the premise seriously but it was way too long and I got snoozy. 2.5/5
  • Night of the Bride – forcing a woman into a marriage with your rapey son is just good clean Indian fun, but when he’s also already dead it’s over the line. Good, short and to the point. 3/5
  • Rajas & the Wolf Girl – sweet, funny and strikingly animated short combining rotoscoped 2d for the main characters and 3d including mocap for the environment/secondary characters. Sideshow freaks need love too. No dialogue, just sounds, which was effective. Very cute and enjoyable. 4.5/5
  • Whodunit – a batch of Indian actors wait on roles, and apparently make this sketch while they wait as a demo reel. Fine for what it is but if you’re not casting Indian men in a movie give it a pass. 2/5

It was a solid set of shorts, only one aggravated me and two bored me, but the rest ranged from solid to really good! It’s good to see Indian cinema breaking out of the usual trenches. And a special shout-out, my favorite movie credit up till now has been “Vomit Monster” in Poltergeist 2 but now that’s rivaled by “Tongue Double” from From Me To You. And that tongue double worked overtime let me tell you.

Next slot, I decided on Marama over Crazy Old Lady, and Chocolate, which while it sounded fun (a Thai martial arts movie with an autistic girl that gets Taskmaster-type abilities from it) is from 2008 and available for home streaming so I watched it before the fest. 3/5, a servicable martial arts movie, goofy with good but not great fight sequences.

Marama is the first in a planned trilogy of Māori gothic horror movies! Our heroine Mary (Marama) is a Māori woman who was adopted by a British family as an orphaned baby, and she travels to a country estate in Britain based on a letter promising to reveal information about her birth family. Very well filmed and spooky! The first part evokes Jonathan Harper going to Dracula’s castle, but of course the real enemy is the Hated British. Good plot and supernatural elements, the tension ratchets up throughout even in scenes that could have become comical (the party where all the British are cosplaying as Māori and sailors and queens for example). Marama is freaked out by what’s going on but otherwise is a self-assured, strong woman, no screaming and running aimlessly down hallways in fear for her. Definitely worth a watch, gothic horror is so seldom done well any more and this is a fresh twist. Goes just a touch into cringe with the “Maori power” message, like, we get it. 4/5 stars.

After that I came out to discover a weird bloody mannequin, which bodes well because it was clearly there to advertise the next film on my schedule, Dolly!

Dolly – shot on film in the woods of Chattanooga, this is a Hills Have Eyes type slasher movie with a demented doll-faced woman (played by NWA wrestler Max the Impaler) victimizing some hikers. The main point is showing off gruesome practical special effects. Somewhat predicated on people not looking around at all when being stalked by a Jason type killer that, while way slower than their victims, somehow manages to Pepe Le Pew their way to jumping at them from out of frame a lot. Not really anything special, but at least you get to see Seann William Scott get mutilated. 2.5/5 stars.

I came out of this still going strong because I was committed to the full 5 screenings today! The next one was quite a left turn. It was up against Sisu 2, which is a big crowdpleaser and I liked Sisu, but it’ll be in theaters soon so I see no need to spend a fest slot on it.

Dawning (Demring) – A Norwegian film about three adult sisters who go out to a cabin in the woods to help the younger one recover from her latest suicide attempt. Then they get Ted Bundyed. (I enjoyed that one of the sisters pointed out the stranger with a sling on his arm asking for help with his busted car was a total Ted Bundy move as just two minutes before I had to restrain myself from shouting out “don’t go with that Ted Bundy looking m*********r!!!” in the theater. Of course, they went anyway, but I appreciated it.) Strikingly shot in black and white for the present and color for the voluminous flashbacks. It’s a weird proportion tonally – 2/3 of it is sitting around a cabin engaging in light sister-conflict and investigating their children-of-a-narcissist relationships with confessional scenes, flashbacks to interminable dinner parties, and so on, and then 1/3 is extremely brutal kidnap/murder. I think it’s trying to be about the cycle of life.  Decent but flawed tonally, you’d expect either more of the movie to be brutal or less. Though it does show how self-cutting can be a superpower in the right situation. 3/5 stars.

Finally, the late showing, which was the first Secret Screening of the fest. This is a FF tradition where they don’t release what they’re showing till you’re in the theater. Always big draws as this is where the jumbo premieres happen. I couldn’t get a ticket for it but I waited in the standby line and lucked out! The guy behind me (a soundtrack composer from Hollywood) was last in.

Silent Night, Deadly Night – a remake of the classic holiday horror film, where our protagonist kills one person a day in the lead up to Christmas while dressed as Santa Claus, encouraged by his own version of a dark passenger. But, you know, just bad people. He’s basically Advent Dexter. He stops off in a Hallmark movie type town and starts having a Hallmark movie type romance (though the girl has a real short temper) but the runs across another serial killer while trying to keep up with his own murder spree. It was really good and a fun horror/romance/comedy/thriller mashup, definitely worth a watch come holiday season! 4/5 stars.

And, we got a present with some goodies in it!

It was a long day but a good one, and we’ve just hit the halfway mark of the festival!

Fantastic Fest 2025 – Day Three

It’s a fine Saturday morning and the big weekend of the fest is here. They start a silent auction for parts of the diorama they used to film the “spooky church” trailer for the fest, which is cool – I’d love the big stained glass piece to put in my window but the bids immediately hit $500 and Lord only knows what they got to eventually.

In the 11 AM slot I saw a fun Italian/Chinese mashup action/romance, The Forbidden City.

The Forbidden City – A hidden away “second child” in China, who naturally is highly trained in kung fu (Yaxi Liu from Mulan), comes to Rome to find her sister who got sex trafficked to the one Chinese restaurant there.  She teams up with an Italian chef because it turns out his father ran off with her sister. She beats the absolute bejeezus out of crowds of goons and he provides pasta; they communicate via smartphone translation and the international language of love. The Italians are all very Italian, romantic and dramatic.  It’s like a martial arts Hallmark movie, and I mean that in the best sense.  It does need 30 minutes edited out of its runtime but otherwise it’s hen hao/molto bene. 3.5/5 stars.

I’d pay good money to watch Yaxi Liu from The Forbidden City fight Livia Cianata from Ikatan Darah, that would be quite a battle. $20 US on Livia though. Movies where the stars communicate via smartphone translation have gotten to be pretty common… I get it, but the novelty is starting to wear off.

The next film starred Mario Mayo, a Spanish actor who had wowed us at a previous year’s fest with “I’ll Crush Y’all,” which made up for a lack of polish with raw energy. This outing was… okay.

Luger – A Spanish thriller about two low level thugs who recover a stolen car that ends up having a very historical and valuable Nazi Luger in it that everyone wants and don’t mind beating someone to death over. It’s one of those old style “Judgement Day” type thrillers where they go from chore to chore and threat to threat, get split up, get beat up, and so on. It was good, though the fascist threat angle was actually so subtle you could miss it, there’s not really a big “here are the Nazis” moment. They didn’t need to go over the top with it but I think dialing that up a little would have made it less generic, you could have used the same script with another Macguffin just as well. And it was a little slow. And our big bruiser Mario gets incapacitated early and stays out of the movie for a while, which is a bummer. 2.5/5 stars.

Next, do you like Black horror comedies? Well, then you’ll enjoy 1/3 of this next film.

Haunted Heist – Lil Rel Howery directs a Black horror comedy staffed by standup comedians, most notably Tiffany Haddish.  A guy gets out of prison and has his three old square school friends join him at an AirBnB, really an old house he heard from a guy (“Ratface”) inside he could make a big score at.  But – it’s haunted! By a super racist (they used slurs I’ve never even heard before and I’ve lived in both Texas and Memphis) married (?) couple of cultist ghosts!  This is a tough genre, either not funny (Haunted Mansion) or way over the line to stupid (all the Wayans type stuff).  But for the first third of the movie they hit a solid comedy but not slapstick vibe, like Tag or other modern post-Hangover work. Unfortunately it’s a delicate balance and once the first act pays off with a very funny scene (the protagonists try to summon their own spirit to combat the ghosts and, like the Sta-Puft Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters, all that comes to mind is Lil Rel’s mean dead grandmama), it starts to wobble in Act 2 with random info dumps and then crashes to the ground in Act 3 with endless monologuey dialogue as the four friends make up with each other for various beefs, slowly, for like 20 freaking minutes. And then a pointless resolution. So in the end the movie is not good, but the first third was solid and funny. Watch for free when it hits streaming until the grandma scene and then bail with a clear conscience, you will miss nothing. 1.5/5 stars.

A mess of weirdos provided entertainment between films – a crowd of folks paid to dress up for, I think, “The Strangers – Chapter 2“(?)

Luckily the fourth slot had a real banger – an older movie you can see on streaming currently, but they did a restoration of it and showed it at the fest and it beat out a lot of the newer movies in my book!

Before the Fall – a restoration of a 2008 Spanish film by F. Javier Gutierrez where everyone finds out a meteor is going to wipe out the Earth shortly.  Chaos ensues globally, but we spend the time with Ale, a marginal maintenance man in a dust-choked Spanish town. He doesn’t care about anything, but his mother becomes convinced that a child serial killer her other son thwarted back in the day is for sure one of the mass prison escapees and will want to spend his last days getting revenge on their family, so they head out to their house in the sticks where all his kids are staying alone – he and his wife were out of town and global transpo is down so they’re not gonna be back by meteor time, and the kids haven’t even heard about the impeding apocalypse as they are in a remote part of Spain that largely operates on dirt and static. 

Gritty, brutal, and viscerally shot. Taut pacing and ongoing reveals that continually deepen the plot and characters. A very well done film and it really hits you in the existential buttons, what do you do when the end is nigh? It never got wide release but was highly respected among those in the know; Wes Craven was working on an English language version when he died.  One of the best movies of the festival, even if not a new one! 4/5 stars.

We even got a promotional bar of soap for the movie. My next film didn’t start till 11:30 which was rough – and it sucked, which was rougher.

Folies Meurtrieres (aka Killing Spree)- a restoration of a French slasher movie from 1984. A jumpsuit-clad slasher chases a woman. She runs 3x faster than him but he plods after her like a pillowcase-masked Pepe Le Pew for 10 minutes and eventually pops out ahead of her to perform a gruesome murder. Cut, and… he chases another woman for 10 minutes and then cuts her up. Cut, and… he chases a third woman for 10 minutes and then cuts her up. No framing, no plot, just Casio keyboards, overexposed film, and a fetishistic look at murdering young women. After kill 3 I realized no plot was forthcoming and bailed. I’m glad it was “restored” because it looked and sounded super shitty and I can only imagine its original state. Sometimes old things are just bad. 1/5 stars.

Then I dragged myself home to catch a couple hours of sleep before the full slate before me on Day 4!

Fantastic Fest 2025 – Day Two

The first full day of the fest, which means five movies! The first slot is usually around 11 AM, then 2 PM, then 5 PM, then 8 PM, then 11 PM. Then you stagger home at 2 AM, sleep, be in front of the computer to reserve your next day’s tickets at 10 AM sharp, and jump in the car to come back and do it again!

My first film of the day was The Ice Tower, an artsy French film. My backup was Her Will Be Done which I got to see later.

The Ice Tower.  Modern (well, 1970s) tale based on the Snow Queen fable by Hans Christian Andersen. Think Black Swan meets Frozen, but ultra French and impressionist.  A village girl runs away to the big city and becomes part of a film about the Snow Queen, played by superstar Marion Cotillard. Psychodrama ensues as she is lured/injects herself into the production. Do some of the scenes happen in the real world or a dream? What happens at the end? I’m not sure, but it’s stylish! Very slow, spare of dialogue, but it builds dramatic tension across its length.  I enjoyed it a lot but be warned… it’s very French. 4/5 stars.

Here’s a more coherent review of The Ice Tower if you’re intrigued.

The next movie was a Hong Kong action movie, Road to Vendetta.

Road to Vendetta.  Hong Kong cinema wants its John Wick back, so a lad working for an assassin network with a food delivery motif goes to Japan and a hot little Japanese girl leads him to loggerheads with the organization, even though they have to communicate via smartphone translation half the time. He teaches her to murder too!  Decent but not great, weird pacing. And the real rough transitions in HK films between comedy, melodrama, and brutality were ok back in the Hard Boiled days in the 1990s but they’ve had 30 years to sand down the rough edges but don’t seem to have done it. An acceptable weekend afternoon action watch. 2.5/5 stars.

For the third slot I had tickets to Reflections in a Dead Diamond (a Bond-ripoff movie?) which was my second choice after not getting into Shelby Oaks, but I decided to skip and go do D&D Trivia at the Highball! It was run by some friendly folks from Tiny Minotaur, a local fantasy themed tavern/art space.

And as you would expect from us here at Geek Related, I led my team “Bad Haircut” to a sound victory over the other two teams, “Rainbow Sparkles” and “Melf’s Magnificent Cunts.”

Next slot, I was tempted to stay for “Dungeons & Drag,” but skipping two movies in a row was too much for me. Turns out I should have listened to my instincts, because…

Vicious – the most generic modern supernatural horror movie ever made and that’s saying something. Creepy lady brings feckless young lady (Dakota Fanning) a box! The box demands “something you hate, something you love, and something you need!” Spoooooooky things happen with no justification or internal logic!  Random camera shots from film class with no thought to a consistent visual language are performed! “Scream when the phone rings a lot! Now cut one of your fingers off.  Now thrash and scream some more!  PHONE BUZZES!!! Movie done, budget diverted to cocaine!” Afterwards in the bathroom people were saying things like “something you hate, something you love, something that SUUUCKS!!!” True story. 2/5 stars.

The Ghost of Roger Ebert agrees with me on the merits of the film. It was so bad I just went home after instead of waiting nearly 2 hours for the midnight movie. I was supposed to see Silencio but I was demoralized and midnight movies are tough if you’re not in good shape.

But, it let me get off to a rested start for Day 3 and the start of the weekend at the fest!

Fantastic Fest 2025 – Day One

The first day is a partial one – an opening night party and big premiere on Thursday night. The Highball, the bar connected to the Alamo Drafthouse South Lamar that hosts the festival, was all Dungeons & Dragons decorated – they even had a dragon head set up atop the building outside like the Godzilla head in Shinjuku! Cosplayers in Renfaire garb filled the venue (advertising a “Hynafol” LARP event happening soon at a local Renfaire).

Then we had a lively opening band – Castle Rat! If you haven’t heard of them, they are an example of, uh, the “chick with a sword rock” genre? I’ve seen their videos on YouTube and it was cool to see them in person.

Then we had the big premiere of the first night, a movie called Primate, showing on most screens. There were a couple screens of something called Tree of Knowledge that also looked good, but I figured I’d start the fest off with the big crowdpleaser most folks were attending.

Primate – A young version of Florence Pugh (Johnny Sequoyah) comes home to Hawaii for college break with her girlfriends.  The family chimp gets rabies. Hilarity ensues, and by hilarity I mean faces getting ripped off. Nearly zero foreplay, they just get right to it. Interesting quirk in that the professor dad is deaf (the actor too) and so you get some chilling “can’t hear what is happening right around him” moments, though he’s not there for most of the film. Disappointing in that the monkey just goes to 100% murderchimp immediately, no slack for his family (you’d expect just a little bit of “maybe he won’t kill her!”, but the girl is immediately like “nope he’s gone”). Decent, but watch some murder chimp documentaries first to get in the mood. Coming to theaters in January. 3/5 stars, though I am rounding up to get there.

Then in the 11:00 PM slot for the faithful, I chose Ikatan Darah, an Indonesian film (I was tempted by the 4k Bride of Reanimator restoration, but I try to choose films it’ll be hard to see again vs easy to maximize my fest-time). And it was a hoot!

Ikatan Darah – The first film from Uwais Films – yes as in Iko Uwais from The Raid. An Indonesian family runs afoul of the mob and it falls to the daughter, a former national silat (Indonesian martial art) champion, to save them….  by increasingly awesome martial arts kills vs an ever freakier cast of bad guys! It doesn’t disappoint and there was lots of breathless applause after many of the knock-down-drag-out fight scenes.  She starts out normal and not wanting to kill anyone but as the stakes ratchet up she kills her first guy, is sad and pukes, and then as they kill her friends and stuff she goes no holds barred on them. The pacing was really good (sometimes modern foreign martial arts films either choose weird times to lag or cut confusingly from one scene to another). The crowd exclaimed (hollered, we’d say in Texas) at some of the more impressive and/or gruesome moves, which silat is particularly good at. I saw Uwais’ first film Merantau at my first Fantastic Fest back in 2009 and it’s been great to see the growth of his acting, and now production, career! 5/5 stars for sure.

Next, Day 2!

Dungeon Crawl Classics – A Year In

The last session marks a solid year of our gaming group playing in Paul’s DCC campaign. (He runs every other week while I run my Reavers Pathfinder campaign in alternate.) I thought it’d be a good time to do a retrospective on how we’re finding the game.

It’s going well! The zero-level funnel was fun and we’re all about third level now so not quite as squishy.

Dungeon Crawl Classics is – hard. Deliberately, that’s its deal. It’s easy to die.

Magic and healing come at a very sharp cost. At the low end it’s ability damage and at the high end it’s mutation and such. It’s very random, too, most of the rulebook is lengthy random tables for every spell. Powerful magic items get you the wrath of the gods and thus penalties. We have more hit points now but there’s plenty of ways to take lots of damage, ability damage, or straight up save or dies where your hit points aren’t a major impediment. Attack economy is an overwhelming factor – even at this level “six skeleton archers” are a holy-shit moment.

Wilderness travel threatens to kill us not just with random encounters but with fishing accidents and dysentery. Being outside a city is terrifying. (And most of the “cities” are just 20-ish primitive screwhead mud farmers; nowhere we’ve been has things like “shops”.)

And the flavor is gritty. Adventures are about wading through mud, and blood, and rat pus, and rotting flesh that sometimes wants to have sex with you. NPCs are all feckless, whether Lawful or Chaotic. Even our fellow party members – we’re friends, but we sometimes are working at cross-purposes especially when our various supernatural masters are involved. And there’s a price or downside for nearly everything.

And we like it!

I got a comment on a previous session summary saying “it doesn’t seem like you are having fun from reading the summaries!” Well, we are, but our characters aren’t, I’d say… Except for the rare occassion they manage to get a good meal and a bath the world pretty much sucks to live in. But we’re all old school gamers who played original D&D (and many other games) since the ’80’s and it’s a nice change of pace from the anime-superheroes power fantasy mode of modern gaming.

Now, the system is different in a good way from AD&D 0e/1e. Fighters have mighty deeds of arms, starting spellcasters can cast more than one spell a day (with risk), Luck gives everyone a chance to improve stuff a little. Early D&D, you had 2 hp, 1 spell to case, and otherwise were shit out of luck. So the system’s a little more textured and forgiving.

But they definitely have an adventure style (most of the ones we have played are written by DCC mega-author Harley Stroh) based on the grittiest of the 1e strain of modules.

But as we are grown ass men, the challenge is part of the point. It also rewards being smart; it is combat as war, not combat as sport. While being stupid can lead to death from trivial causes, very dangerous encounters can be made way easier with careful planning, positioning, and scheming. Traps and dungeoneering are less about rolls and more about reasoning. That’s the most engaging part of the game for me (well, and the roleplay, but in the game part) – being clever enough to reduce the risk of what’s going on. Within the limits of most of us being weird Chaotic freaks, we’re not like a SWAT team or anything. And magic is very unreliable, so it’s hard to count on in a plan.

Having six PCs definitely helps (though not much healing), and Paul knows how hard DCC is so usually runs underleveled adventures for us. And we’ve gamed together for a while, so we know how we tend to think and act in combat.

Also, the cool thing about this is that you get additional powers not just from “leveling”, but from weird artifacts and Gygaxian pools and doodads and boons and stuff, so we are able to flex our characters in desired ways without having “a feat for that”.

The characters are shaping up well, I think, for being randomly generated!

  • Podrick (Patrick) is our Lawful knight-wannabe, so is our impetus to do “good things” plot wise, and is a very effective tank and has a good magic spear.
  • Gallfred Weasel (Bruce) with his Cloak of Cheret the Lost is so stealthy that we forget about him (and in extremis, he even forgets about himself).
  • Mordecai (Matt) has become a very powerful and very Chaotic gish (wizard but with armor and sword) and is enjoying necromancy and becoming ghoulish. The necromancy rules make it a little tough to get actual zombies which frustrates him. “You get an undead… upper torso!”
  • Old Man Fish (Chris) has struggled a little game rule-wise; as a ranger he has an animal companion but it’s his horse and doesn’t come in dungeons; he is an archer but has low damage. Personally he’s always a solid part of the group though, is often my fellow “plan guy” and has been helpful in the wilds (though some of those rolls require stats he is low in). Later on he gets healing and rage and stuff to fill it in.
  • Ned (Tim) is definitely a fan of the weirdo mutation part of being a wizard, it’s actually hard to keep up with his bug infestation and tentacles and dirt fetish. Man he can magic missile the shit out of things if he rolls well!
  • Hemp the Weaver (me) has tripled down on archery which works out well; force projection is important in a combat-as-war game. He has a side gig in being the party tailor which is fun.

Everyone’s got a good personality and a good schtick. And an overall plot is emerging – it was just random stuff but now it’s gelling around an evil monster king sending bullshit our way, so fighting against that is unifying. Lawful and Chaotic folks alike love to kill evil kings!

Bruce (who is our usual session summary scribe) adds his thoughts:

The game system does a nice job of giving each of the classes a trick that makes them useful in a (relatively) unique way during gameplay – the traditional OSR issue of fighter-types gradually becoming first just a huge well of (defensive) hit points, and then becoming entirely optional appurtenances of the heavy-artillery wizards is something the rules deal with nicely. I’ve personally really appreciated the easy regenerability of Thief LUCK – balanced by the fact that to effectively use Thief skills I end up with a character that cannot stand even close to the front lines.

As regarding the campaign, the ongoing sequence of character quests gives the players a good ability to guide the world. I’ve very much appreciated that. Paul has done a good job of mitigating the “only one shall survive!” nature of the mostly convention-oriented adventures. Adventures built with the idea of integrating more into an ongoing campaign would be useful, but perhaps not something that is as worthwhile to publish. The idea that characters can undergo remarkable transformations of nature that are overall a benefit (with some drawbacks), and that this is more common than outright curse effects that are nothing but bad, promotes more character experimentation, which is ultimately better for gameplay.

Sinners Vampire Powers

I saw the hit movie Sinners last night and it was awesome! Like From Dusk Till Dawn but, frankly, better. The first musical sequence was one of the most successful “mix real world and dreamtime/spirit world” sequences ever made.

But this isn’t a movie review, it’s taking a hot new vampire power for your Pathfinder or Dungeons & Dragons game!

So the Irish vampire lord slash… demon? Remmick (expertly played by Jack O’Connell) had the ability to know everything his new vampire thralls knew in life. I’m not talking about that, though that’d be fine – but there seems to be a somewhat similar but way more limited effect on the newly made vampire spawn. They don’t appear to know everything the master does or have a hivemind, but they all appear to specifically inherit his Irish singing and dancing abilities. (Unless he just happened upon two crackers who were pro musicians to kill by pure chance.) In fact, you could perhaps frame it as the master is able to pass one of his skills down to his spawn.

I realized that this is the key to a lot of vampire group creation in D&D type games and is a brilliant idea. Because in general adventure creators always want to put together a bunch of similar vampires. A vampire band! A vampire ninja clan! A vampire monastery! A vampire Wall Street firm!

And currently adventure writers get that by:

  • In the lore, the vampire spends a super long time assessing candidates and only vamps ones with the desired skills. Very rare.
  • In the lore, the vampire came across an existing group of semi identical folks and vamped them. Fairly common.
  • Cheat and just say “whatever, all these vampires have Stealth +12 even though they were just random villagers because I need it for the plot, man.” Most common.

But, a small, thematic, and frankly just practical addition to the vampire’s Create Spawn power could just be “the master can bestow [one of his skills/his highest level skill] upon a spawn.”

In the world of super complicated PF2e type rulesets I’m sure that’s abusable, so you could add some level cap or something, “they become proficient in the skill and gain max ranks available at their character level.” Maybe the vampire has to just pick one skill forever, or maybe it’s locked to whatever their highest ranked skill was when they became a vampire. “Well, I guess we need Profession: stringed instrument based attack plans boys, that’s what I was good at in life!”

Create Spawn (Su)

A vampire can create spawn out of those it slays with blood drain or energy drain, provided that the slain creature is of the same creature type as the vampire’s base creature type. The victim rises from death as a vampire in 1d4 days. This vampire is under the command of the vampire that created it, and remains enslaved until its master’s destruction. A vampire may have enslaved spawn totaling no more than twice its own Hit Dice; any spawn it creates that would exceed this limit become free-willed undead. A vampire may free an enslaved spawn in order to enslave a new spawn, but once freed, a vampire or vampire spawn cannot be enslaved again.

A vampire created in this way inherits the master’s highest ranked skill, becoming proficient in it as a class skill and gaining ranks in the skill equal to its character level.

What do you think?

Heck you could add it as an option. Since his vampire spawn were getting up in minutes not days, clearly he had “Improved Create Spawn” where if you make spawn they are up in 1d4 minutes not 1d4 days and get one of your key skills.

You could make any of this work on vampires and not vampire spawn or vice versa (in Pathfinder these are different, vampire spawn aren’t a template they’re just like “ghouls” in other-vampire-fiction parlance, and a vampire can choose to make new full vampires or just vampire spawn).

RPG Review: Pathfinder Lost Omens Travel Guide

Pathfinder Lost Omens Travel Guide

I love the world of Golarion, Paizo’s default game world for the Pathfinder RPG. I was a subscriber to basically everything that came out for Pathfinder first edition and have been running a Pathfinder campaign for some 15 years now (and played in many of their Adventure Paths myself). PF2e wasn’t different enough to convince me I should spend thousands more dollars on the same content again, but the Lost Omens line is about Golarion world content, and I buy those from time to time.

And since my current game is about pirates traveling from place to place, the idea of the Pathfinder Lost Omens Travel Guide, which “presents the highlights of the Inner Sea region to help any and all curous travelers plan where to go and what to see,” was super intriguing. I got it recently and read it cover to cover! I assumed what I’d get would be like a travel guide – here’s what to expect of the sights and sounds, but also practical details, of going to various places in Golarion.

Bottom line up front – it’s OK. There is some great content and some complete misses. And that’s a challenge – as a hardback with 124 pages of actual content for $40, I’m paying a buck for every three pages so each three pages should be worth a buck to me in content. Some groups of pages met that burden and some did not. It’s very uneven. There were some chunks of great Golarion content and then there are chunks of content that I can only call “generic medieval fantasy for dummies.” Let’s get into it.

I got in a bad mood early reading this book but it picks up later. We start with a two-page “introduction” spread containing zero content written by, not a Pathfinder whose name we know from somewhere, but some rando fake fantasy editor.

Time & The Calendar

The book starts with a six page section on “Time & The Calendar”. It names the days and months – something we already know from the world guide – and adds a little bit of helpful flavor, like which day is usually a market day. It confusingly adds “common names” for the months. “Abadius, alternately called Prima.” Alternately by… Who? Why? Where? We’ve been using the primary names for decades in Pathfinder world now, so this a weird add that doesn’t expand our direct usability of the world. Do they use these different names in… Garund? Are they formal “Latin Church” type names the educated would use vs. peasant terms? Who knows. Then a quick justification for the laziness of using the same calendar across the world (There was a war! People agreed!) and then, super frustratingly, some alternate calendars like the Tian Xia Imperial calendar that date from a different year. OK that’s cool. What year? Who cares, apparently.

This is a gripe I’m going to come back to. World content that is actually *useful to players, in play* has some very specific requirements. If we’re going to say “Ah the guy from Tian Xia says back in IC 123”, we should be able to say “oh and that’s equivalent to AR 2500.” But this book just doesn’t bother with that. GURPS was the game that really got this right. I didn’t play a lot of GURPS but I own 20-30 of their sourcebooks because they mastered the art of taking fictional content and boiling it down to what you needed in play. GURPS Conan tells you how much a broadsword costs in Scythia and what differences you, a person wandering in the world, are going to see and encounter. I would get GURPS supplements when planning to run a game in that setting in another game system because their value was distilling the fiction down to usable, tangible specifics relevant to PCs exploring a world.

Then we have a quick historical timeline – again, from other sources, without any kind of effort to make it “what today’s peasant understands” or the like, and then time constructs broken down by race. (We’re supposed to call “races” “ancestries” now but bah to that.) More than 50% of the pages have big graphical sidebars that are not super useful.

Everyday Life

Next, a sizable 12-page section on “Everyday Life.” Here’s where we get into some trouble. Much of this is “Life in a Medieval Village Lite” generalities about what some abstract generic Golarion medieval European does in their life, but less focused on historical realism and more what a fantasy anime village does. “Get up early to tend the livestock!” “People on the water fish!” “Nomads travel!” is the level of detail here. No Golarion insight, like “here’s what a peasant in Andoren’s day is like vs a Bonuwat fisherman vs a Varisian nomad” – nope. Next is a long section on languages, which has the helpful point “Common/Taldane and Tien are trade languages commonly spoken, but not well, because people tend to speak their actual local language.” I said that in one sentence but they took half a page. Then a bit on ancient languages, which I’m not sure how it’s relevant to the alleged travel guide format. Next we have some more generic fantasy content – a full page spread on a “rural home” and an “urban home.” You know, a generic one that is certainly identical across an entire world. These helpfully explain what a “Yard” and a “Bedroom” are. Next, a couple pages on what “Rural Life” is like (is that not “Everyday Life” in Golarion?). This has some dross like “did you know there’s not as many restaurants out in the sticks” but some actual value, just padded. “Out in the sticks people tend to trade in barter instead of paying each other coins, but they’ll take yours” is another sentence you can replace a half page with, and “people tend to not be monotheistic, but revere the various gods in charge of whatever they’re doing at the time; farming, hunting, dying, sailing, etc.” same thing. Like, great clarification, just padded to all hell. And then we have an actual useful little bit saying what a house costs.

Then we have a two page spread on “Rural fashion” indicating that our generic rural peasant might wear a “Hat” and a “Work Apron” and if they fish, perhaps “Fishing Galoshes.” This is where I started to get angry and fear that I’d dumped $40 on one of those shitty big-board books you find in the discount section of bookstores that are like “a castle, for kids!” kind of things.

We run through the same lengthy content for Urban Life, which has more restaurants and more monotheism, and a fashion spread, which indicates more of a love for parasols and pouches than the dirt people. But make sure and ethically source your hat feathers because “the collection of feathers can do a lot of damage to bird populations, and activist groups have begun to protest them.” No I am not kidding. I mean, I guess since slavery and racism and all the other evils have been solved we may as well. (In the interest of PC-ness, everyone including the most evil of evil realms all outlawed slavery in the last couple years between Pathfinder 1e and 2e.)

Festivals & Holidays

I assume it’s because of assigning out sections to different authors and not a lot of time spent editing, but we had some festivals in the calendar section and now we have another semi-redundant 8 page festival section. This one’s OK – it notes a bunch of holidays and festivals with actual locations/deities/context on them, which is great, but with no information on any of them that would be useful to someone traveling there.

There’s no excuse for that. I went to Japan last summer and the travel guide packed in 5x as much information (these 8 hardback pages equal 16 real travel guide pages, which manage to give you a little about what a given festival may actually entail and look like and be about). They do add a little flavor in the 6 pages they use to show some dress for a couple of the festivals, but the density and focus is a problem. In a full page spread on the Cayden Cailean festival of Merrymead, we have a random super dark piece of art that indicates a reveler may well have a “handkerchief.”

But how would you do this better, you ask? OK so near me in Galveston, TX, they have a Christmastime “Dickens on the Strand” festival:

Dickens on The Strand is Galveston’s annual winter holiday street festival bursting with live entertainment on multiple streets, including strolling carolers, roving musicians, bagpipers, jugglers, and a crowd of entertainers and costumed revelers, all dressed in period formal Victorian garb like formal dresses and stovepipe hats and eating cold-weather treats like roasted chestnuts and drinking mulled wine.

Bam. Concise but focuses on what you’ll actually do, what it’ll feel and look like (cold! festive! music in the air! fake old-timey formality!). And you could fit 5 of those (easily) per page so you get more coverage – the problem with a book like this is if your campaign is set in place X and focuses on deities Y and so on, the chance that one of the 4 padded out holidays they cover is going to be relevant is low. Do 30 in that format, and you’re good to go. Or dig more into each one, but dang the content per dollar is low in this section. I get art is expensive, but blowing up a drawing of a copper piece to take a full 1/8 page spread just makes me spend more of my money on it too.

Trade

And that segues us into the Trade section. The church of Abadar works to validate contracts and balance interest rates across the Inner Sea. Some of this is great, some of it gets into weird “fantasy modern”. (They have things to detect if goods have been teleported somewhere to try to profit! No one would want to buy teleported goods! I’m glad we have a super high magic solution to all those level 10 wizards trying to profit off teleporting lingonberries to the Mwangi Expanse!).

They have a full page spread with 4 coins – which is nice, it’s nice to have an example, oh look here’s what an Absalom platinum piece looks like and is called. But again, it’d be better with then a list of 10 other things they’re called in other places and maybe a “and they are all little bars instead of coins in Druma” or something.

A two page spread, one page of which is a map, has trade routes of the Inner Sea. Now we have the first truly useful worldbuilding. (I knew most of this from extensive research I did planning my pirate game, but it wasn’t all in one place previously.) So trade tends to flow in these routes, which has transport implications, pirate implications, and so on. The main drawback here is they don’t really get into what kinds of things are traded. “Goods! You know… Goods from Casmaron!” Cool story bro.

It’s followed by a 2 page spread on trade goods but again we’re back to generic anime fantasy content not Golarion content. Did you know people might trade in metals, fish, wine, leather, cloth? Who exactly? Eh, who cares. This is 2 full pages of “No shit Sherlock” with extensive spending of the art budget on 20 illustrations of “A pile of bricks. A pile of lumber. An ingot of gold.” I pray they reused these off some item deck somewhere or something.

Cuisine

There’s some gems in here but a lot of it is that generic fantasy-ish content again. “People like to eat pork! And stew!” There’s blah fantasy bits (behir caviar is tasty) but also some actual Golarion content in places, but I think it sometimes is harmed by a common problem. Technically Golarion is the entire world, then Avistan and Garund the two most prominent continents in products, and then “the Inner Sea” is technically the Mediterranean that’s between the two. So “One unique aspect of Inner Sea cooking is the prevalence of olive oil.” Fair enough. But because all the world products are called “Inner Sea,” and cover places obviously not in the Inner Sea (Fantasy Norway! Fantasy Kenya!), it’s not clear where they’re saying that’s narrowly vs tightly scoped and it harms diversity. “The northern shore of the Inner Sea uses olive oil in its cooking, while the southern shore predominantly uses palm oils” would add some diversity and some clarity as to range in the same space.

Same deal with spices, you get an actual useful bit about pepper from Varisia’s Mushfens being popular, but then just a laundry list of other spices that I guess are everywhere because we have Fantasy Kroger’s. “Basil, dill, rosemary, coriander,…” makes it sound like everyone in the world of Golarion has easy access to the store brand of all 20 common spices.

A bit on drinks, a 2 page graphical layout of “A Noble’s Feast” (no location) is again discount bookstore fare. Just even make it an example Taldan noble’s feast or something; the world of Golarion basically has “all real world areas and cultures” represented.

Drinks of Ilizmagorti

Then we have 2 recipes which are just excuses to stick recipes in a book because people like that nowadays and 4 cocktail recipes. They have a lot of ice in Northern Garund (think Morocco) do they? I wish they didn’t do the full recipes but just gave some rundowns.

Some of the most useful content I’ve pulled from other sources is like in Cities of Golarion that covered Ilizmagorti, it said it’s a bit of a foodie town and pub crawls are big and here’s a list of representative cocktails. My PCs still say Ilizmagorti was “the best place to party” in my long term pirate campaign mainly because I used this. Notice the conciseness and richness of detail. This entire sidebar takes the space they used for one cocktail recipe in the Travel Guide. “That drink that was just the squeezin’s!” still gets mentioned time to time years later.

Fashion

I mean… So maybe I misunderstand the point of this book. Maybe it’s for 12 year olds who have never done any basic learning about the world or history, and it’s very helpful for them to understand “Silk is an animal fiber like wool.” But it’s billed as a Golarion travel guide God damn it!!! “You can have a beautician do your nails.” The first page is annoying but the second is actually good, it’s fashion trends from Queen Anastasia of Irrisen and Queen Edasseril of Kyonin – sure, Queen fashion trends will travel, that makes sense, it gives me some actual details to put into a real game. “As you look around the high end salon, you see many of the women have real or tailored flowers and leaves adorning the ends of their sleeves and the lower parts of their skirts.” They ask, and “Oh, it’s all the fashion because the Queen of Kyonin a couple countries over is wearing that.” Bam, world immersion.

They keep it up for a while – garb of a student in the Magaambya (fantasy Africa) vs Ustalav (fantasy Transylvania), some New Thassilon driven fashion, some modern anarchist fashion. But we edge back into generic with Accessories. “Handbags! Aprons!” Some are ok though and add world flavor- “Shoanti Tattoos! Varisian Scarves!” The latter help me, the former – I guess it reminds me some people carry purses?

Art & Architecture

I’m going to spare you belaboring the details of this chapter, it’s a mix of generic claptrap with occassional useful examples of some real artists in Golarion, including at least one, Ailson Kindler, that is actually from Golarion lore and not just net new made up, which is great.

Some architectural styles are covered which is good – and finally a bit that is what you would expect in an actual fricking travel guide, famous structures! Go to Riddleport and see the Cyphergate! Go to Osirion and see the pyramids! Each with an illustration.

Pastimes

This is where the generic claptrap to useful world content ratio starts to get a little better. On the one hand, “people collect flowers and shit to entertain themselves.” On the other, we have log rolling popular on the Sellen, people around Lake Encarthan love whittling little big-eyed stylized animals… That I can use to make PCs feel more like they’re in a distinct location.

And then they have extensive rules for “Golem”, which is basically normal poker except there’s a “best hand” made from the discards that can win, and “Basilisk,” a popular sport (though again, popular *where*??? Across Fantasy Tunisia to Fantasy Colombia to Fantasy France? Come on man.).

It ends with a sample Basilisk team, the Riddleport Rollers. OK great! My campaign started in Riddleport! Here’s the goaltender, Mujaika the Wall, who looks like a Mualijae elven woman. Perfect! Ok that’s real PC-interactable world content. Meet them on a ship going to <nearby place>. Party with them. Get pulled into a skirmish game on a beach somewhere, learn the game. That’s a whole game session driven off world content. More please.

Crime & Law

Generic. “Wherever you are… Robbery gets you 20 lashes and 1 to 5 years hard labor.” It makes the content wasted. Call it an example legal code from the Isle of Kortos, have a half page of “well in place X they have wandering judges, in place Y they don’t punish violence much because they victim blame, in place Z conviction is based on a vote from all the citizens that can be bothered to show up in the town square…” and you’re making world content.

Then a two page spread of wanted posters. I “wanted” to like them but they immediately showed the confusion between the “generic objective set of laws” and the practice, since some of the wanted are for doing good acts somewhere that didn’t appreciate them. And no location on most of them.

Now two pages on “headquarters”, with an example furniture shop hiding a thieves’ guild and an Irrisen cop precinct. You really have to squint to see this as Travel Guide material, though I guess you could say the chance a traveller in Irrisen will end up in a lot of cop precinct houses is fair.

What People Know

This is one of the things I have specific expectations around. Too often fantasy worlds are portrayed as people know everything in the setting book. What happened 5000 years ago? Of course a random bog farmer knows about it. Luckily I found this section strong. People have different creation myths, their knowledge of history is generally that “well Aroden started the age of man like, a long time ago, and he died recently and things suck.” What’s the Shining Crusade? “I don’t know but I heard of it.” Realistic, I like it. Introduces the concept of “microregions” where knowledge tends to locally pool – three countries fighting each other have a general shared knowledge, but one country over they may not know much about them. In the Mwangi Expanse, most people know about the Magaambya and welcome traveling scholars from there, and know to be wary of Nagisa and Usaro. This is good info to help show things from ‘the locals’ perspective’ without the locals knowing everything because, you know, they’re primitive savages mostly.

Magic

While this should have more local flavor incorporated besides the obvious “Rahadoum doesn’t allow divine magic,” it’s a good look into what the common man understands. They know magic exists though may not have experienced it; wizards are probably upper class; priests are a little more special because, you know, gods… It also says that many people have some kind of inherent magical knack that they have never trained to the level of “spells” but maybe some of the random superstitious crap they do actually has some effect (folk magic). Good.

Then we have a REAL weird section. I don’t know why it’s in this book and it seems like a pretty major thing to introduce. It turns out whenever you cast a spell you have a bunch of CGI runes that appear around the caster with some specific meanings to them and their colors and fonts and stuff. I mean, this is how it kinda worked in the Pathfinder comics, but this is a strange place to make a canon introduction of what spellcasting looks like in Pathfinder. It definitely means casting every single spell is super obvious, which is a problem for the more stealth casters and enchantments, illusions, and so forth, but eh. Anyway, I don’t know why it’s in this book.

Same deal with a two page spread on spellcaster lairs. This is a travel book man.

Folklore & Mythology

This is cool. Creation myths and differences from place to place. Some example fables and fairy tales. Some ghost stories, some legendary figures. A little more formal than a travel guide would bear but still, good Golarion world content. A bunch of local superstitions, this is totally what I wanted out of this book. In place X a given color or animal or number is lucky/unlucky for a random reason so the locals do something colorful time to time.

Then a full two page tale of a Garundi hero. Nice, though pushing the page count to usability in game ratio.

Religion

More good stuff. Common religious practices, specific things to note per region, religious events & observances, religious iconography. “Gozreh’s worshippers among the Ulfen see the deity’s duality as fire and ice, rather than the wind and the waves… [they] carry iron ice picks…” This is “good” worldbuilding.

Then we have a section with some pantheons. This is “bad” worldbuilding and let me explain why. The concept of a pantheon is great. Normal people don’t pick one god in this kind of polytheistic world, they generally have a set that makes sense in their area and life. Out in farm country in Andoren that’s more like the US Midwest, most folks worship the “Hearth and Harvest” pantheon of X, Y, and Z. That’s cool. These specific ones, however, fall into the min-maxers’ trap of putting together anything from any source with no in-game reason. These pantheons are not local but are often “across the Inner Sea,” and have deities from all kinds of places – Mazludeh, the ruling angel of Holomog, which basically no one has been to and whose worshipers are just described as “Holomog” – suddenly part of a pantheon for people 1000 miles away to use because their “domain” fits into an arbitrary list. Asian gods? European gods? African gods? Native American gods? Nonhuman gods? Sure, mix ’em all together with no justification.

I will never use any of these. And it’s a missed opportunity. Make them hyperlocal and have deities that make fricking sense in them. It’s OK if one is foreign if there’s a reason! I could buy an Asian (Tien) god in a Viking (Ulfen) pantheon because the trade route to fantasy Asia goes through fantasy Norway and there was a whole Adventure Path about it, so maybe one imported deity filled a spot that was kinda missing with the locals so it’s all Thor Loki Odin and samurai lady, fine. But you can’t just say “I’ll pull all the gods from all the regions that have academics in their list of domains and call that a pantheon.”

Nature & Animals

A section on what wildlife, not just monsters, you’ll find as you travel around, like the bowing deer of Nara!

No, I’m kidding, it’s 2 pages of basic PETA propaganda about coexisting with bears and not polluting and stuff. What the absolute fuck. I mean, I agree with it, I was a Boy Scout, but “stuff I personally agree with” is NOT GOOD GAME CONTENT, something that both Paizo and WotC have completely forgotten.

But then we get a page spread of 10 illustrated flora and 10 illustrated fauna, with actual Golarion locations they live in. This is good.

And then two pages of random new herbalist concoctions. Which would be fine in some random Complete Guide to Herbalists but this is a TRAVEL GUIDE. Not “a herbal concoction you can only find in Hermea,” it’s just generic rules content.

And then 2 pages of pets you can buy, including some actual unique and location-dependent ones. Arcadian opossums tolerate being dressed up in little outfits well so they’re popular pets among the white trash of ancient America. OK that’s great!

Finally a 2 page spread of monster locations with a map – reefclaws are abundant south of the Eye and manticores are endemic to the Mindspin Mountains. This is good content but there should be 10x the amount of it, cut some of the flavor text and you could have instad of 6 small blobs on a big world map, more coverage to where whereever your campaign is set, there’s a place renowned for a given kind of monster nearby.

Like, I can’t get over that for every 2 pages of useful content I’m paying for 2 additional pages of dross, and at this hardback cost that’s a buck per three pages.

Weather & Climate

Some good information on the climate in many microregions, with a big but very hard to read map of climactic areas (the legend is miniature and relies on some pretty complicated patterns not just colors). Now if this had a random weather table per region, it would be good game content. As it is, it just tells me that in Fantasy North Africa it’s desert like I would expect from having been through the 7th grade. I don’t hate it but I don’t love it.

Then we have a 2-page spread on natural disasters (normal style) and a 4-page spread on weird supernatural specific weather events that if you, like, vibe with you can get some kind of effect. If you stay outside for a day in the Blood Rains of Ustalav you can make a DC 24 check to maybe get a benefit for a week, or if you f that roll up maybe you get tuberculosis. That’s fun specific world content and Travel Guide worthy. “Travel to Droskar’s Crag, and if you’re lucky enough that it’s spewing ash at the time, rumor is you’ll be protected from the cold when you go back home!”

The Stars

This section talks about the moon, the stars, the constellations (Fantasy Zodiac), moon phases… It’s ok almanac content but does “Moon Phases” need to be an entire 2 page spread? This is one of those “completionist” things that can exhaust PCs. If one or two moons a year are important that’s great, if every single full moon of the year has a special name and meaning and stuff, it becomes hard to care and it’s hard to believe most of the populace does either. At most you’re in an inn in a small town and someone’s grandma is nattering on about how this is the “sweet moon” because it’s around when the berries ripen. Thanks, boomer.

Then we have some astrological backgrounds rules because of course you have to have character options even in a travel book because it’s Pathfinder.

Then they have a 4-page glossary and index, which is actually great because they just toss off random names from all across Golarion and I read the book in one hand while I looked up random deities and stuff with an iPad in the other. (I wish I had known the glossary was there before I got to it, lol, though really hitting PathfinderWiki is better.)

Conclusion

I know I griped a lot. I expected a Travel Guide that does what it says on the back cover, and I think that’s a fair fricking expectation. Fodor’s Guide/Lonely Planet Guide to Golarion would be a great book. If they hired someone from Lonely Planet and had them read 100 lbs. of Golarion lore and said “make a travel guide and make up stuff that’s not in the infodump” I’d pay $100 for it and buy copies for my players. This isn’t that book. But it does have some good Golarion content. There’s animals and stories and art and fashion movements to mine to include in actual Pathfinder games set in the world to add versimilitude.

The “bad” content – most of it isn’t bad per se, just in the wrong book or full of padding. Some is weirdly basic (Did you know in really cold climates people wear winter coats? Here’s a picture of a random winter coat that looks suspiciously like the one Bespoke Post tried to sell me today) and some is weirdly in depth wonkiness (The third full moon of the year is…). The only part I said “no this is wrong and bad for Golarion” is the random-deity pantheons.

If it was a $30 softback I would say it’s a clear buy. As a $40 hardback of 124 pages of which maybe 60 will ever see use… That’s tough. If you’re fairly well off, I guess. I don’t regret buying it but I have plenty of disposable income. If I bought this at age 23 during my first job out of school I’d try to return it.

Fantastic Fest 2024 – The Fair to Bad

Not everything’s a winner. But it’s a range, the 4’s you might like if they’re your thing… The ones I rated 1-2 I have trouble understanding how anyone would like, but someone made them!

I, The Executioner (4/10)  was a perfectly serviceable Korean cop thriller movie, a sequel to 2014’s “Veteran,” apparently with the same Major Crimes squad from the first. A serial killer is killing people who got off easy from the justice system and they must catch him. Like a PG rated Se7en. It was OK. Some action but not “whoa check out that martial arts or gun fu” level. A lot of modern Korean film including this seems like watered down versions of what already exists. Not much more to say, watch it if you are bored and are really into Korean shows.

Frankie Freako (4/10) is a silly retro puppet movie starring Fake Young Dana Carvey and Fake Chrissy Tiegen where the hopelessly square husband calls the “Frankie Freako” 1-900 line to try to get less bland and suddenly little Garbage Pail Kids type puppets are tearing up his house. It is a reference to “Freddie Freaker” from the late ’80’s.  It’s lightly entertaining but not great – who is this for?  It’d be PG if not for an explicit neck wound and bear-trapped leg – content wise otherwise it’s solidly there’s at 11-12 year olds.  Like, Gremlins is spicier.  They could have gone hard R with it and had Frankie showing Fake Dana Carvey how to Eiffel Tower Fake Chrissy Tiegen and play up the gore, but no, “freaky partying” is drinking Fart Cola and spray painting the living room.  The puppets didn’t have much funny dialogue either, just “let’s get freaky!” I didn’t hate it, it kept me engaged, but I don’t know who it’s for that would pay to see it.

Disembodied aka Aberration (4/10) is a 4k remaster of a 1998 film that you would swear was a surrealist horror movie from the ’60’s. A lady takes a room (technically, the boiler room) in the worst hotel ever and then decorates her room with her jarred brain and bathtub full of, uh, vaginal nodules and then starts growing oozing lumps.  And is being tracked by an Evil Colonel Sanders looking guy from the Plasmaster Corporation. Luckily her next door hooker friend is on her side.  Very gooey and trippy. The dialogue is hilarious but there’s not enough of it, with large parts having the put-me-to-sleep effect of slow moving old time horror. There is *lots* of vaginal imagery but no actual vaginas. Unclear resolution on the ending. This movie does not look great, I shudder to imagine it prior to this uplift work. I mean, I get the guy made it in his spare time with his spare money but 1998 horror movies were like “The Faculty” and “Ringu” and this looks like one of the “we just got out of the black & white era” films on Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Universal Language (4/10) is an absurdist – comedy? – that merges a fantasy post-Quebec independence Canada with Iran and is in half French and half Farsi, with Tim Hortons becoming a samovar-bearing tea house.  Which is cool but… I struggled to find a point and even to stay awake (and this was a 2:30 PM showing). There was some fun to be had seeing some Persian kids from the French immersion school wandering around on their youthful shenanigans in a snow-covered beige-building-filled Alberta that kinds looks like a sand-covered beige-building-filled Iran but other than that it was a bunch of visually interesting scenes where you felt like “this must MEAN something” but it’s totally opaque what besides the single obvious family regret angle. It has mood and technique but plot and acting not so much. I loved last year’s Moroccan art house film by Sofia Alaoui, Animalia, and Ana Lily Amirpour’s A Girl Walks Home At Night; it’s not like I can’t get behind weird slow Middle Eastern stuff, I just didn’t get this one. I was briefly excited by the appearance of an “eclairagiste” in the credits and I thought they might have an eclair expert on staff but it just means lighting tech.  Fucking Quebec.

Baby Invasion (3/10) defies easy explanation. It doesn’t have plot – at best you could say it has a loose conceit of people streaming themselves performing home invasions using baby face filters with comments streaming over the screen with a deafening techno as the entire soundtrack, but interspersed with trippy random Unreal Engine computer graphic kaleidoscopic… scenes? Segments? Anyway, even writing this down makes it seem more coherent than it is. Though strangely it’s not terrible; I could sit through it without intense regret. Not that I would recommend it; it’s the kind of thing that should just play on a big screen during a rave or something. Oddly non-graphic content wise though, possibly because the budget was “a dozen yo-yos and their airsoft gun collection and one guy who can use Unreal Engine.” And it is impressive the sheer volume of twitch stream comments they generated, thousands and thousands.

Ick (2/10) is a high school horror movie like The Faculty, but less subtle and played constantly at x2 speed. I am not exaggerating; I thought maybe we were just starting with a double-speed flashback or title scene but no it just kept going like that. No time for emotional beats or memorable sights, just ultrafast self-aware basic GenZ quips and CGI death. And 30-ish 2000s pop-punk needle drops. Not only did I not like it, now I am nursing a headache. The filmmaker wanted to make “a PG-13 starter horror movie for his 13 year old.” Maybe just put them on ADHD meds instead.

Zenithal (1/10, no link I can find which is probably for the best) is a wild mistake of a French movie about, I guess, penis oriented martial arts? Which could be goofy fun in concept, but then there were zero martial arts – or penises, except for the blurred/clothed three foot penis of the victim who was found “dick-capitated.” The height of humor here is practicing “Sexkido” and “being less genital and more zen-ithal.” If you are not guffawing by now then this movie has nothing for ya. Production value hovers around “don’t spend more than $20 on set dressing” level. And there’s a weird choice to make it very much like it’s a sequel to a previous movie (it’s not) and relying on alluded to prior events to make you give a crap about any of these characters. I made it 3/4 of the way through and finally the 20 minute long speech from the incel villain kept putting me to sleep and I just left. Come on, French people can do martial arts movies! District B-13! This made me sad and angry and sleepy. But I guess I’m happy the French are swinging for the fences, we get Planet B out of them in the same year, so if this is the price we have to pay, OK.

And that’s the Fantastic Fest 2024 roundup! Only two real stinkers and a lot of good stuff, I really enjoyed the programming this year.

Fantastic Fest 2024 – The Mid

These movies weren’t perfect, but if you are into their genre you may enjoy them, they are certainly… completed films! (Or TV series episodes, in one case.) Keep an eye out for the Sebastian Stan double shot!

Cloud (6/10) Is an interesting Japanese film about a guy making a living reselling on online auction sites who gets a bunch of disgruntled people in his wake that want to torture-murder him for what seems like extremely minor reasons.  Very unusual escalation that seems to comment on a common societal fantasy of violence, ambivalence to new economic realities, that small sins are a downward spiral, and that you can trust no one if you are involved in even the lightest of shadiness.  High realism in the action and shooting and such – not escalated in either the action or gore dimensions, very naturalistic. No close ups or quick cuts but very matter of fact filming that I felt was effective. Are all Japanese folks on the edge just looking for some excuse to go nuts?  Maybe!

Teacup (6/10) – We got to see the first two episodes of an upcoming Peacock series that seems like a modern adaptation of Lovecraft’s Color out of Space. We are told it is based on the Robert McCammon novel “Stinger”, adapted by Ian McCulloch who also served as showrunner. “But without the dome.  There’s two dome things already.” Good call, one “city in a dome” thing is more than enough (well, the Simpsons Movie can be the second, but now you’re cut off, horror writers). It’s a family out on a farm – veterinarian mom, cheating dad (Dr. Nick from Grey’s Anatomy), two kids, a grandma who likes to party (“weed helps her MS” but I’m pretty sure she’d party anyway).  Animals start acting weird, strange folks roam the woods, and a guy in a gas mask and gun paints a line around the farm and warns them via whiteboard not to cross it. Then electronics cut out and demented shit happens. Good suspenseful horror. The season plays out over 48 hours. We are not supposed to “give out spoilers” but after 2 half hour episodes we don’t know a thing about what’s going on so…  It was pretty cool, though with “NBC” level character interaction drama (like, not movie level dialogue and acting but better than CW level). The child actor playing the young son who plays a key role is good, which can make or break this kind of story. Worth watching if you have Peacock; probably not a reason to go subscribe if you don’t.

Escape from the 21st Century (6/10) is a crazy and inventive Chinese movie that is kind of Goonies meets Shaolin Soccer meets Back To The Future 2 meets… Surreal stuff. I don’t even know.  Teens in a wacky fight get tossed into a quarry full of chemicals and start time traveling (like, in their personal timeline, so as themselves in their adult future) forward and backward in time when they… Sneeze?  Get knocked out? Want to? The rules are unclear but future them is dystopian as heck (organ harvesting… girlfriend banging a dwarf pimp for drugs…); they try to change the past and can’t, then they fight amonsgt each other and try again? Very gonzo, wide swings from goofy to dark, but of course the power of collectivism will prevail. A little too long and too random but net positive. Not all the effects were done yet, either, so it may squeeze out another point in the final analysis.

Don’t Mess With Grandma, aka Sunset Superman (6/10), is a fun light… home invasion movie!?!  It’s like if Tyler Perry did one of the Jim Varney Ernest movies but starring Michael Jai White.  I’m just sad that three of the home-invader family weren’t played by Paul, Jason, and June from How Did this Get Made because those three actors seemed adjacent to them (though younger, I guess. They can play their parents in the sequel!!!). Jai White is great as the put upon son of the grandma who has to juggle her needs along with not killing any of these fool crackers who are hell bent on robbing the place. It’s all very silly and has plenty of Dio music. The violence is mostly light and humorous, with one exception that was a bit of a jarring tonal shift. This won’t be for everyone, if my setup of “Madea in Ernest Scared Stupid” doesn’t do it for you, I certainly get it.

The Apprentice (6/10) was a secret screening, and was introduced by Sebastian Stan who plays Donald Trump in this biopic about his early years up through the ’80’s. Stan did a great job, he was barely recognizable as himself at times but was a spot on Trump. It shows his rise as a real estate developer and power player, increasingly at the expense of his family, wife, and friends, and his descent into diet pills and serial adultery and spousal abuse. The set design was stunning.  In the end though it’s a movie about banal evil that does not get its comeuppance, which while accurate is unsatisfying. It just ends with him getting lipo and Roy Cohn, his lawyer, mentor, and fixer, dying of AIDS.  It’s good in that it’s balanced, it’s not trying to apologize for Trump or do a hack job on him, but as a result it left me a little nonplussed. “So you’ve shown us Trump is a bit of a corrupt dick.  Cool story, bro. I think everyone knows that just some people like it and some people don’t.” Even biopics need a point, otherwise they’re a documentary with actors. Giving it a bonus point for Sebastian Stan.

A Different Man (6/10) has Sebastian Stan playing a man with extreme facial deformity trying to be an actor in New York.  Since it’s New York he gets the occasional weird look but otherwise gets along fine. He has a crush on his playwright neighbor. And then he gets an experimental treatment that completely removes the deformity and now he’s Sebastian Stan. He makes the weird choice to assume a new name and tell everyone he’s a friend of the deformed guy who died by suicide. Things initially go well for him – real estate success! Women who want to bang Sebastian Stan! But then when he hears the playwright ex-neighbor is doing a play about “a woman and her relationship with her deformed neighbor” he starts to get obsessed and things go downhill especially when a new facially deformed guy shows up.  High concept and cool, but it really starts to meander and there are four times when you think it’s the end but no, here’s another piece, adding… What?  It’s also tough to get insight into the mind of our protagonist, even once the makeup is gone he’s played pretty cryptically between times he trips out. Was there really even a character arc?  I’m not sure, which is weird for how much happens to the lead. It was OK but I think the script thinks it’s more clever than it is. Giving it a bonus point for Sebastian Stan.

Strange Harvest: Occult Murder in the Inland Empire (5/10) is a faux true crime documentary about  a serial killer named “Mr. Shiny” in the San Bernardino area. Starts normal and then ramps up into Lovecraft style weirdness. A little slow and tips its hand into improbability well before the super weird stuff happens (I didn’t know it was a fake documentary when I sat down but the red flags piled up and it became apparent shortly in) but is a good home watch for true crime fans. And it has a post credits scene, which startled the few of us who hung back to plonk away on our phones.

Heavier Trip (5/10) is a sequel to a silly Finnish movie about the hardest of metal bands, Impaled Rektum, and their attempts at gaining metal cred and/or stardom (which are at odds, and one of the themes).  Imprisoned for Nordic crimes against the public peace at the end of last movie, they are in Norwegian prison, which means escaping is easy when they find out they need to save the family reindeer slaughterhouse. Metal hijinks ensue, including hitching a ride with an established metal band whose lead singer is one Michael Brucker looking SOB and an ambivalent relationship with Japanese girl-idol metal band Babymetal. Their goal is to play at the German open air heavy metal festival Wacken to get the money, but the quest for fame intervenes.  The power of friendship, of course, prevails. Something to watch if you are in a goofy mood and/or like metal.

Mr. Crocket (5/10) is a Black-helmed horror movie set in the VHS days about an evil Mr. Rogers who has died and comes back through the TV Freddy Krueger style to kill “naughty” parents and abduct kids to his hellscape.  Some parents survive and want to get their kids back! Solid but doesn’t fully use a lot of its ideas effectively (like the horrific mascots, lots of great design to see very little use). Some funny bits some scary bits some just there bits. No subtlety here, just suddenly shrieking Mr. Crocket on TV screens. If Tales from the Hood had a kids-show segment, this would be it.

Terrifier 3 (5/10) – I’d never seen any of the Terrifier movies, just little clips on TikTok of the clown acting spooky.  I was convinced to see it by the evil lobby clowns and crowd hype at the fest.  It is basically the most gruesome murder/torture porn ever made. At the start the programmer warned “We don’t do content warnings at Fantastic Fest but if you are going to have problems with basically anything, run.”  It’s supernatural in a Chucky sort of way where the rules are super unclear. They bravely tried to catch you up on the plot from Terrifier 1 and 2 with a flashback and A, B, C, and D plots, to middling effect. And then no man, woman, child, or animal is safe from getting their face torn off like an angry chimp on meth is on the loose by the clown and his… zombie girlfriend? At least two major characters get killed unceremoniously offscreen which is weird. The gore effects are the real star here; I have no idea how they so realistically show people e.g. getting full chainsawed from their genitalia on up in full screen with no cuts nothing left to the imagination. I don’t plan on going and watching more of them myself but they’re a thing.

What Happened to Dorothy Bell? (5/10) Is a found footage (though stretching credulity a bit on that point) movie about a female college student whose grandmother went off her rocker back in the day and – burned down a church?  Stabbed the seven-year-old girl in the face?  Then went back to work at the library and killed herself by throwing herself off a single story landing? Ok so the details don’t really check out but it’s scary and has an evil book. She has video sessions with a therapist who is a good argument for replacing mental health professionals with an AI because she had such weak basic responses. For a book oriented evil spirit it’s pretty good with the Internet too, it’s good to see demonic forces keeping their skill sets updated. Anyway, passable but barely, watch in the dark to get a couple frights.

Dead Talents Society (5/10) is a Taiwanese movie (yes, I said it; fuck you Chinese government) about ghost society where they have ghost-televised scaring contests; it owes a lot to Beetlejuice in terms of the “hapless new dead folks try to learn to be scary” plot.  Funny takes on urban legend folklore and pretty typical Asian “the dead are all organized like we are in real life because we love bureaucracy from beyond the grave.” Some fun gags but way too slow and spaced out; I had trouble not snoozing and was really eager for it to be over. And I’m getting pretty sick of all the “ah genZs who can’t be bothered to do anything or care but just roll their eyes and mope around” as a theme; it’s lazy and usually not funny unless you have some new and clever take. YMMV but my patience with Asian media where all the acting is “unrealistic motivation TURNED UP TO ELEVEN” has run out. Full disclosure – many people loved this movie and it got some Fest awards so it may be for you especially if “Japanese Beetlejuice game show” sounds good to you. I’m just in a weird place with Asian movies right now.

Fantastic Fest 2024 – The Good

Plenty of perfectly good movies of various types at this FF! Keep an eye out for a cluster of older movies that are still perfectly good in the middle.

Baby Assassins 3 aka Baby Assassins: Nice Days (8/10) is the latest in Yugo Sakmoto’s Japanese series of “two GenZ shrieky Japanese girls are John Wicks.”  Literally; this is a series made by and with stunt people to show off action choreography and one of the lead girls, Saori Izawa, just got done doing stunts on John Wick 4. The action was top notch including some real knock down drag out hand-to-hand fights. And while the acting in between was still melodramatic to the max, it had some decent character moments, especially between our dynamic duo at the end.  Make out already! I liked it better than the previous entry in the series (Baby Assasins: 2 Babies) – its action was better and character stuff not as silly.

Bookworm (8/10) – This year’s family movie!  Last year Riddle of Fire surprised and delighted me. This year, we have a solid entry with Elijah Wood and a Kiwi girl cracking us up in between bouts of child endangerment. New Zealand precocious kid Mildred (Nell Fisher)’s mom gets landed in a coma from a faulty toaster and her baby daddy comes from the US to help care for her – Elijah Woods, playing a failed David Blaine style magician (“Illusionist!”) who knew mom for a couple hours in a convenience store parking lot in Vegas but hasn’t been in the picture since then. Then they go camping to try to get footage of the mythical Canterbury Panther (NZ’s Bigfoot of a big cat). Besides the predictable prickly daughter-father bonding is surprisingly dark and hilarious writing – no-filter dialogue and some real danger with brutally real consequences. But, you know, for kids!  I hollered out loud at least five times during this film, sometimes in humor, sometimes in shock.

MadS (8/10) is a lively French movie about rave kids in the beginning of a zombie-type outbreak.  A rich kid rave is not where you want your original superspreader event to be. And of course this in turn unleashes the paramilitary death squads. The gimmick here is that it is shot in one long 90 minute take, which really keeps up the momentum!  Ok so I get that they’re all stoned and some have “the virus” but boy French people are excitable! The amount of squalling and hollering and thrashing and running around bashing into things is impressive and along with the one-shot format is one big thrill ride (the sound design is impressive too). I can’t imagine those actresses screaming like that for all that time straight, that’s some sore throats for sure. Anyway, a worthy take on day 0 zombie outbreak especially if you like things like 28 Days Later.

House of Spoils (8/10) sports a chef who has just gotten her big break opens a cauldron-to-table restaurant when the spirit of the witch that used to live in their rustic location starts whispering to her. A good horror movie leveraging our cultural love of hollering “Yes, Chef!” It has super solid production values, this should be a wide-release movie. An interesting roller coaster of twists about what’s going on in the plot and an atypical but welcome – if just a shred preachy – resolution. And despite some gross food scenes it had good ones as well; once it was over I popped down to the nearby Soto for a chili hamachi and lychee martini.

Saturday Night (8/10) was the first secret screening of Fantastic Fest; it’s about Lorne Michaels and the cast and crew getting ready for their first ever Saturday Night Live broadcast in 1975, in real-time for the 90 minutes leading up to its start. Jason Reitman directed and did extensive research and interviews to piece together the intense blend of humor, greed, pride, lust, and cocaine that was that time. Great performances emulating the comedy greats of the day especially of Chevy Chase and John Belushi. Frantic pace and lots of humor, some from the comedians but more from the ridiculous lengths Lorne has to go to in order to hit air (Belushi going missing! Drug induced lockjaw! The Standards & Practices lady!  A llama! Studio suits! Milton Berle’s huge penis! Johnny Carson being a huge penis!).  Mainstream (out of the ordinary for Fantastic Fest) but definitely worth seeing.

Mac and Me (8/10) is what a lot of these “zany” movies aspire to be.  Sure it’s an ET ripoff from 1988, sure it’s full of Coke, McDonalds, and Sears product placement, but it is bananas in a great way. From the weird too-human naked aliens (like… sea-monkeys that have the face of Arseface from The Preacher) that do not even start to obey the laws of physics, to the absolutely wild child-in-wheelchair endangerment, to the full on spontaneous breakdance party at McDonalds (in the credits: “And starring Ronald McDonald as himself”), you absolutely do not expect what is about to happen in the next scene at any point. The audience shrieked in shock and hilarity many times. As a bonus they played the original alternate ending ripped from a Japanese laserdisc where a cop trips and DEAD CENTER SHOOTS WHEELCHAIR KID WHOSE BODY THEN WHEELS INTO A GASOLINE FIRE!?!  “He’s going to be OK!” “He’s gone.” At any moment you don’t know if someone’s going to die in an abandoned cobalt mine or tear up a mall or OD on soda. They said “let’s take ET and turn it up to 11” and I’m here for it. I know this is a high rating for a movie that ended up on How Did This Get Made, but I enjoyed this screening more than the vast majority so I gotta be honest!

The Guest (7/10) was a 4K remaster of a 2014 thriller that goes from being a Hallmark movie about a guy who just got out of the military coming to visit the small town family of a dead brother in arms to help them and romance the sister, to Jason Bourne, to Friday the 13th in short order!  Starring Dan Stevens aka Legion from the FX series (best Marvel TV series to date and I’ll fight anyone who says different) as the boy-next-door-psychopath, . All the family characters were great (except the dad; I was kinda rooting for soldier boy to seduce the wife tbh). Not perfect; the plot doesn’t entirely make sense and tries to be a little much in one sausage casing, but it’s gripping and a solid watch!

Raze (7/10) is another ten year old movie where a bunch of sick one percenter fucks kidnap women and keep them in an underground prison and make them fight to the death in a bare-knuckle arena or else they’ll kill ther loved ones (you know, standard one percenter shit). But not normal women, Aussie Zoe Bell (stuntwoman and actor, you may know her from Tarantino’s Death Proof) is our main character (and producer) and all the women are selected for being formidable – not (all) professional fighters but mostly with some history of violence. So it’s Hunger Games/Battle Royale-y; the women are trying to find a way out of the prison but are also having to just brutally bludgeon their fellow captives to death, friend and foe alike, if their number comes up. All the women actors were hell on wheels and making the most of the opportunity to be a badass. I don’t know why I had never heard of this movie before!

Bone Lake (7/10) sees a couple AirBnBing a nice lake house in the middle of nowhere and it turns out it’s “double booked” with another young hot couple and then the mind, sex, and murder games begin. Gripping and keeps you guessing! Not enough nudity for an erotic thriller though, and the gore level went from 0 to 60 pretty surprisingly at the end.  The whole movie is just 4 actors, and their performances successfully drive the whole film!  And the lovely house is effectively the fifth actor; it’s a great space for the setting (apparently the homeowner really hovered over them while filming) and since it’s the only location you get a really good feeling of the space. Shot in 18 days on a shoestring budget and is really, really good for that!

The Creep Tapes (7/10) was a secret screening – apparently there are a pair of movies I haven’t seen (Creep and Creep 2) and these are the first three episodes of a TV series following on that’ll be on AMC/Shudder.  The crowd reacted favorably upon hearing this; I don’t like it when I hear “TV series” but it got me in a receptive mood. It’s basically a humorous spoof of a serial killer (Mark Duplass) filming his own exploits done super low budget (cast and crew: 5-6 people) and it’s really good! Funny but also startling and… well, creepy.  Just goes to show a good story and talented people makes for good entertainment even if you don’t have any budget and a single shitty digital camera. I’ll go watch Creep and Creep 2 now! This may not be for everyone, it’s definitely a mood, but I liked it. At least one fellow fest-goer did not, for what that’s worth.

Fantastic Fest 2024 – The Best

Another year, another Fantastic Fest! I saw 34 films over a one week period and my brain feels like it’s boiling. Some great stuff this year and some films that were very thought-provoking. I don’t follow the “film circuit” other than this so I go in blind on all the movies. “It won at Cannes!” “Oh, really?” FF is my favorite vacation of the year – no planning stuff to placate family members, no travel rigors – just pick 5 movies a day and grind through them and fill your brain with diverse images and ideas.

General thoughts from the fest:

  • I think “child endangerment” is the real theme of this year’s Fantastic Fest, even though it’s allegedly clowns…  Well, maybe they are the same thing? But kids are NOT safe in any of these movies.
  • “We got access to a nice house; let’s film an entire movie in it” (apparently not purely for pandemic reasons) is a pretty common thing this year
  • The surprise “secret screenings” were kinda bougie this year, possibly due to Sony buying the Alamo Drafthouse and Fantastic Fest. They are fine movies but Saturday Night and The Apprentice are not aligned with the usual FF content.
  • The weird “violence is more tolerated, sex is less tolerated” Hollywood vibe continues; some pretty gruesome bits in otherwise more sedate fare was confusing – at least two movies could have been PG barring a couple random gore incidents that seemed out of character for the film. I guess everything goes to screening so MPAA ratings are irrelevant? Or is the MPAA so far gone that brutal violence is fine now but breasts cause you to burst into flames? Dunno.

I’ve rated the films I saw 1-10 based on my subjective opinion.

  • 9-10: Must watch for anyone, seek it out!
  • 7-8: Good stuff
  • 5-6: Mid but watchable if you like the genre
  • 3-4: Maybe if you’re really into its thing
  • 1-2: So angry that I saw this

I’ll start out with the best ones, and do separate posts for the good, mid, and fair to bad ones. There were five films I really loved this year. And interestingly, they each in a completely different genre from the rest, so there should be something for everyone!

Planet B (10/10) is an excellent French political sci-fi thriller about a near future filled with drone surveillance and citizen suppression (a very near future, in other words) where captured dissidents get disappeared and put in total VR immersion to try to get more info out of them. Super realistic and plausible. The two female leads, one who is a captured dissident and one who is an immigrant ex-journalist cleaning lady who happens upon the plot, do a super job. The theme of trust was razor edged – you can’t trust anyone in a secret police state (especially inside VR) where the main thing is them trying to get names of others out of you – but you have to trust others to survive and fight back. This is director Aude Lea Rapin’s second feature (and the first was filmed guerilla), she was a documentarian previously. It’s set in 2039 but this may be a reality sooner; I guarantee there’s some twisted f**k at the Pentagon working on this concept right now.  “Now hear me out… Mind Guantanamo!” Very clever veneer of democracy on top of it – well we can’t torture them in VR, that would look bad if we got discovered, but how about sleep deprivation via nightmares of their crimes? We can’t monitor them but we can play mind games to get them to narc on each other…  The tension was high throughout and you were never sure if a given gambit would work or backfire terribly. The tech was pretty much modern day plus a little, it goes past plausible to inevitable. I strongly recommend this movie, it is what science fiction is meant to do. “The function of science fiction is not only to predict the future, but to prevent it.” – Ray Bradbury

Daniela Forever (10/10) is Fest favorite Nacho Vigalondo’s (Colossal, Timecrimes) newest feature. And he’s back baby!!! Amazingly fun and thoughtful, a musician Nicolas in Madrid (Henry Golding, aka Snake Eyes) is mourning the sudden loss of his girlfriend Daniela (Beatrice Granno) and not doing well until a friend gets him into a clinical trial for a lucid dreaming drug to try to get over it. Instead he now lives to dream about her. Surprises abound as his grief and selfishness interact.  Do we think of other people in our lives as just NPCs and our volition as the thing of paramount importance? If we think they’re not real, does that change how we should – or would – act? We start out as kind of a reverse Eternal Sunset of the Spotless Mind (remember the ex, not forget her) and get nearly to I Have No Mouth But I Must Scream with him playing God and getting unhinged before we end up with a converse Eternal Sunshine.  The emotional journey is deep and complex and thought-provoking. The waking world is filmed in old magnetic tape and the dream world in full 4k creating an unmistakable context to let you know where you are (until deliberately played with, of course). And it wouldn’t be a Nacho movie without some truly hilarious bits (their “monster costumes” of Dracula With A Chainsaw and Shark With A Gun had the audience hooting in glee). A new best for Nacho and a movie definitely as meaningful and memorable as Eternal Sunshine.

Sister Midnight (10/10) is a great slow burn comedy/drama in Hindi by first time director Karan Kandhari following a newly married Indian couple leading an estranged life in a 10×10 shack-end in Mumbai. Radhika Apte, the lead actress, gives a superb performance – even when she is just sitting isolated in her hovel all day while her husband is at work she is captivating and conveys entire soliloquies of meaning with every gesture or look. She is lonely and frustrated and it’s at least partially her fault because she’s a bit antisocial and difficult. She slowly learns how to do domestic basics and makes friends with a neighbor and the local trans women (hijras) who give street blessings and a guy who runs the elevator at her work, and then things take a dark turn as she starts to feel sick and have trouble tolerating – *normal* food…  I don’t want to give away anything about what happens because it was so rewarding to not know what was coming, but this movie is brilliant and one of my favorites of the fest. Trust and watch. Did well at Cannes and for a first movie from this guy…  Dang!  Also has a top flight soundtrack, Delta blues (we open on a train chugging down moonlit tracks to it) to Iggy Pop (the movie’s named after one of his songs).

Ghost Killer (9/10) is a fun Japanese action movie about a girl who finds a shell casing from a bullet used to murder a hit man, so his ghost haunts her and can possess her and share his martial arts badassery with her so she can bring the pain as she goes up against his foes and hers.  As you might expect it’s female empowerment / youth empowerment but not as goofy as that often is and has super solid serious action scenes. She refuses to kill but not in the usual naive self-righteous way.  The characters all have reasonable motivations that are not just “squealing” or “murder” unlike, frankly, a lot of other Japanese films in this vein. This is a formula we’ve seen before but here it’s executed way more skillfully. The director, Kensuke Sonomura, is the fight choreographer on the Baby Assassins series and this is his directing debut, and it beats those hands down for my money!

Get Away (9/10) – Midsommar meets Hot Fuzz written by and starring Nick Frost. A British family goes on vacation to a weird little Swedish island (played by a Finnish island) where they celebrate a dark local holiday.  I don’t want to give away any of the twists but it is funny and creepy and then Act 3 is a sudden orgy of gruesome yet still somehow funny blood and violence. Great acting all around; Nick Frost is Nick Frosting it up of course but the dynamic among all the family members was great and all the Finnish supporting actors were fun and weird. And when the Desert Eagle sings, you cannot mistake her cry.

Now, I did not manage to get in to see Anora (NYC sex worker goes to Russia) or U Are The Universe (Ukranian space truckers) but a bunch of people I talked with cited them as in their top 3 so give those a try too (I’ll be looking for them!)

My Game Inventory, Shelf 2 (Behind Enemy Lines – Call of Cthulhu)

The second shelf in my “non-D&D RPGs” section is all “B” and “C”s. Here’s a link to the Google sheet I’m using for the inventory, it’ll fill in as I go.

I have two editions of Behind Enemy Lines, a WWII RPG. You know, for how much RPGs are about blowing things up, there’s a startling lack of actual military RPGs. Like, what from this decade except the Warhammer 40K games? I mean, a lot of games let a player choose “a Soldier” as their class but aren’t military in any real sense. This irritated me so much I went on a military RPG buying spree. Sadly the older version is incomplete, the newer one is 1982 newer and it’s table-riffic, kinda like Squad Leader with RPG elements.

Next is Palladium’s Beyond the Supernatural. Hobbled by the mad science experiment that is the Palladium gaming system, it is otherwise a fun psychics vs monsters romp. And I like the random scenario generation tables. Oh no, it’s a… Tibetan supernatural threat… in a Prosperous Urban Condominium and Shopping Area… Precipitated by a PC suddenly remembering an obscure event from their childhood… And in the equipment list you can choose a black and white, green, or amber monitor for your top of the line IBM computer! Probably best used nowadays for a retro Stranger Things type game, and maybe with another game system.

I have two editions (1e/2e) and several splatbooks of Big Eyes, Small Mouth, the Guardians of Order anime RPG. A 4e got kickstarted some years ago it looks like. I liked this game and the Tri-Stat system was pretty nice – just Body, Mind, and Soul stats and rolling 2d6 versus them. Then you had attributes and skills giving bonuses for specific things. Simple but elegant, good for emulating the array of 1990s anime.

Next is a little indie RPG called Blowback that is basically “Burn Notice” (the TV show) the RPG. Written by Elizabeth Shoemaker Sampat, this is a spy game with several unique mechanics for the genre – analysis, operations – and the big innovation, the “push pyramid,” that details the escalation path as you start to mess with a conspiracy or whatnot, how much they come back at you based on how deep you’re getting into them. This mechanic was taken and incorporated into Night’s Black Agents (with credit given) by Kenneth Hite. A very light game but one meant more for the long haul so the consequences can operate. Still available for pay-what-you-want on her site.

Then we have a challenge for my alphabetization skills – is it The World of Bloodshadows? Is it Masterbook because that’s the generic rules book that powers it? Screw it, it’s in the B’s and it’s Bloodshadows. Masterbook was a generic system by West End Games, because their beloved d6 system was too simple I guess, and in the ’90’s we were all “Crunch: Ride or Die!”. I have no reason to want to learn Masterbook but the Bloodshadows line is basically “Cast a Deadly Spell” the RPG – modern fantasy noir. Be a hard boiled detective in a magical setting, but before the Dresden Files came around. And it has several adventures and sourcebooks, which makes it actually runnable (the bane of my existence is “here’s my cool new trad game, no adventures of course.” If I want to make up my own setting and adventures why would I use your shitty system? I’ll buy any trad game that has a setting book and 2 adventure books, that’s my minimum viable.)

Blue Planet is pretty high concept. It’s an environmentalist science fiction RPG, set on an ocean planet named Poseidon with humans along with uplifted dolphins and orcas fleeing an eco-burned Earth and wanting the sweet resources of this place. A very cool setting, and a basic tension very much like the movie Avatar. There’s “first gen” colonist natives and alien aborigines and newer megacorp arrivals… But it’s a little unclear exactly what to do with it story and adventure-wise.

And now… One from the vaults… Boot Hill. I think it’s the oldest Wild West roleplaying game, it’s part of the initial wad of stuff TSR put out with D&D back in the day, like Gangbusters and Gamma World. I have the 1979 printing, the first was in 1975!!! Only 34 pages long and 6 of them are a “Fastest Guns That Ever Lived” chart with stats for everyone from Sam Bass (a local favorite) to the James brothers to the Earps.

Bubblegum Crisis is a cyberpunk anime from the 1990s in which power suited young ladies fight replicant type bad guys made by an evil megacorp; this R. Talsorian game was the first to use their fairly long lived Fuzion system they used for many anime games.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer was a licensed-property Eden Studios game using Unisystem released back when the Buffy series was still red hot! Unfortunately for something with so much presence at the time it hasn’t had much staying power so not sure anyone will ever want to play this.

And finally, one of the granddaddies – Call of Cthulhu. The classic Lovecraftian RPG, I have several versions of the corebook (5th edition still the best) and a lot, lot, lot of the adventures and splatbooks – I love the 1920s setting best but I’ve got a pretty good swath of the OG content. I paid a pretty penny for that Spawn of Azathoth boxed set on eBay, I’ll tell you! I’ve played lots of Cthulhu, including the Cthulhu Master’s Tournament at Gen Con. It’s a great system that someone can pick up in 30 seconds – here’s a pregen, oh look a crap ton of skills you roll percentile against, ok let’s go. (I also have the d20 version, which is best left forgotten). Not indie hippie dippy but still one of the best most playable games around. Narrative control? YOU GET EATEN, how’s that for your narrative control?

OK, that’s shelf 2 of 22 (not counting 3 shelves of Dungeon and Dragon and other magazines). Chime in below, have you played any of these? What should be stolen from them to use in gaming nowadays?