I had my new minis out from yesterday’s post-purchase initial review of the new Wizkids Pathfinder Battles Rise of the Runelords minis. (My that’s a long name.) Go there to see the pictures for context. My daughter and one of her little friends saw them and decided to give me their opinions on them. It was hilarious. Here’s as much as I could capture from stream of consciousness 10 year old girlspeak…
Storm Giantess: “She looks like she’s about to do something to me.”
“Cut you into pieces?”
“Yeah.”
Ogre Brute: “Looks like trollface meme guy.” <brief interruption where they tell me I’m so uncool and not up with the hip new things and we have to Google trollface. He does.>
Mash-fell-knocker (their pronunciation of Malfeshnekor): <in a high voice> “Who’s a good doggie, who’s a good doggie, who’s a good doggie?” <in a harsh voice> “I kill you!”
“He looks like a monkey with elf ears.”
“He looks like a mix between a bat, a dog, and the ‘My precious’ guy from Lord of the Rings.”
Lucretia: “Her hair and eyes look evil. She’s kinda bald but pretty. She must be the queen of something.”
<imitating Lucretia> “You must obey me or be cut into pieces!”
Lyrie Akenja: “For Pete’s sake woman, put on a shirt!”
“Put on a shirt! Put on a shirt! Put on a shirt!” <chanting together>
“She has a wand, what is this, Harry Potter?”
“Oh look she has a kitty!”
<a long discussion on the pros and cons of kitties ensues>
Ogrekin: “Looks like Invader Zim with a muscly body and something on his head.”
“Looks like a bodybuilder with a messed up face.”
“Yeah, his face is jacked up.”
“Is that a baby rattle he has?”
<i do have to admit the ogrekin’s weapon is underwhelming, needs more meat on it>
Faceless Stalker: “It looks like a beast that paints itself.”
“Put on some clothes!”
“His weapon looks like a spoon.”
<reading the base> “6 of 65! Wow! Good job for nothin’, guy!”
<this is a pretty weak mini, I agree with the girls>
Wraith: “Tornado man!”
“He kinda reminds me of the Statue of Liberty!”
“I know!”
“He’s not the Statue of Liberty, he’s the Statue of Liberty’s torch.”
“Yeah.”
Goblin Commando on Goblin Dog: “Oh look it’s a gremlin! It’s a gremlin riding a puppy.”
“He looks like the guy from that book… Origami Yoda!” <I feel pain and regret that apparently kids nowadays don’t know Yoda except via derivative media.>
“He looks like the gremlins from that movie where the girl’s little brother gets taken and she has to marry someone and they attack her face!”
<a long Q&A ensues where I try to figure out what movie she’s talking about>
“Yeah, Labyrinth!”
“I’m bored, can we go play Littlest Pet Shops now?”
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